“The football team at my high school, they were tough. After they sacked the quarterback, they went after his family.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“- Green Bay Football Coach: Which would you put first, coach? Family or football?
- Green Bay Football Coach: Are you kidding? Football's my life.”
Howard Storey - Green Bay Football Coach

“- McKenzie: Will ya look at that, they're putting a bloody Sheila on the team!
- Sargie 'Fumblina' Wilkinson: We'll be the laughing stock of college football.
- Charlie Banks: What do you think we are now?”

Louis Mandylor - McKenzie
Marcus Giamatti - Sargie 'Fumblina' Wilkinson
Andrew Lauer - Charlie Banks

“Marchino Schisa-So... how hot was Aunt Patrizia today? Buck naked. On a scale of one to a hundred?
Fabietto Schisa-A billion.
Marchino Schisa-If you had to choose between Maradona coming to Napoli and screwing Aunt Patrizia... which would you choose?
Fabietto Schisa-Maradona.”
Filippo Scotti - Fabietto Schisa
Marlon Joubert - Marchino Schisa

“Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband, work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, thirty and way past my expiration date.”
Nia Vardalos - Toula Portokalos