“- Pretty boy: I’m looking for the guy who runs this place.
- Joe: Well, that would be Our Father and He’s in Heaven.”

Shwayze - Pretty Boy
Brian Bosworth - Joe

“- Kris 'Tanto' Paronto: [Smiles] Hope God has a sense of humor.
- Dave 'Boon' Benton: [Nods] Yeah.
- Kris 'Tanto' Paronto: I guess we'll find out soon enough.”
Pablo Schreiber - Kris 'Tanto' Paronto
David Denman - Dave 'Boon' Benton

“Wars of religion always make me laugh because basically you're fighting over who has the best imaginary friend.”
Keanu Reeves - Johnny Utah

“- The Great Edgar: For my next experiment, I will saw the little maharaja in half.
- Charlie: I'm a victim of sawcumstances.”
Edgar Bergen - The Great Edgar
Charlie McCarthy - Charlie

“Funny how I meet you at all my homicides.”

Sam Levene - Police Lt. Abrams