- Patty: Seems to me it's all this cheap little tart's fault.
- Elvira: Cheap? Who are you callin' cheap? What's that perfume you're wearing, "Catch of the Day"?
- Patty: Look, honey. I don't know which hole you crawl out of, but I suggest you crawl right back in if you know what's good for you.
Susan Kellermann - Patty
Cassandra Peterson - Elvira

“- Chuck: Hey, Casey, do you like sex with death?
- Casey: Yeah, so fuck off and die.”
John Philbin - Chuck
Jewel Shepard - Casey

- Marianne Graves: You lying... gutless... son of a... yellow snodbugger, toad, bellybutton... I can"t think of enough awful things to say about you, you bastard!
- Rick Jarmin: I guess that's a 'no' on examining my butt.
Goldie Hawn - Marianne Graves
Mel Gibson - Rick Jarmin

“- Clark Griswold: Could I do your back, honey?
- Ellen Griswold: I've already done my back.
- Clark Griswold: Could I do your front?
- Ellen Griswold: Go do your own front.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“- Miss Millie: Your children are so clean. Would you like to work for me, be my maid?
- Sofia: Hell no.”
Dana Ivey - Miss Millie
Oprah Winfrey - Sofia