“- James Ubriacco: Mike, what do you think of this suit?
- Mikey Ubriacco: You look like my principal.”
John Travolta - James
David Gallagher - Mikey Ubriacco

“- Deborah: Do you really hate this dress?
- Nick: What I really hate is this jacket, this white jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo.”
Bette Midler - Deborah
Woody Allen - Nick

“- Aaron Levinsky: You look wonderful.
- Claudia Draper: You know what I use this dress for? For the ones who want to sit on Mommy's lap.”

Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Aaron Levinsky
Barbra Streisand - Claudia Draper

“- Martha: Rachel... It's about the uniform.
- Rachel: Oh, you want me to wear regular clothes so people will think I'm just your black friend who dropped by to clean your house because I ain't got nothin' better to do?
- Martha: Could you?”
Sally Kellerman - Martha
Ann Weldon - Rachel

“Well, I thought you looked familiar. Sorry, I didn't recognize you without crap in your pants!”
Fei Lung - Master Pain (Betty)