“- Marty O'Reilly: I put the special candle out there that repels all the bugs, every species but one.
- Wally Jatczak: Marty, what species is that?
- Marty O'Reilly: The saber toothed fly.”
Carroll O'Connor - Marty O'Reilly
William Bronder - Wally Jatczak

“- Nina Lonescu: I do not like bugs.
- Phil Blackwood: Well, neither do I, but I usually scream at them and... hit them with a rolled up copy of sports illustrated.”
Paulina Porizkova - Nina Lonescu
Tom Selleck - Phil Blackwood

“- Young Noodles: Who're you calling a cockroach?
- Young Deborah: So what are you? You're filthy! You make me sick! You crawl up toilet walls just like a roach! So what are you?”
Scott Schutzman Tiler - Young Noodles
Jennifer Lynn Connelly - Young Deborah

“Fats, you better spray the toilet! I saw a cockroach in there!”
Jennifer Lynn Connelly - Young Deborah

“Yesterday I found a cobweb on my diaphragm.”
Shelley Lee Long - Lucy Van Patten Brodsky