“You know why Jewish girls don't get AIDS? They only marry assholes, they don't screw 'em!”
Bob Eubanks - Himself

“- Avner: You people have nothing to bargain with. You'll never get the land back. You'll die old men in refugee camps waiting for Palestine.
- Ali: We have a lot of children. They'll have children. So we can wait forever. And if we need to, we can make the whole planet unsafe for Jews.”
Eric Bana - Avner
Omar Metwally - Ali

“This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of dying into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 'Good morning 'Anger denial bargaining depression acceptance!'.”
Cliff Gorman - Davis Newman

“- Chick Boyle: You shouldn't smoke. It causes cancer of the lungs. Each one of those little cigarettes is a stick of death.
- Meg Magrath: That's what I like about it Chick, taking a drag off death. What power! What exhilaration!”
Tess Harper - Chick Boyle
Jessica Lange - Meg Magrath

“The real demonstrated #1 killer in America is cholesterol. If we want to talk numbers, how about the millions of people dying of heart attacks?”
Aaron Eckhart - Nick Naylor