“Hey, I'm not dumb! You don't even know me and you call me dumb. Wanna know what's dumb? The last eight covers in a row you did on Elvis in the army, with the badges? That's dumb. And that's boring.”

Ray Sharkey - Vincent Vacarri

“- Ike: I'm not dumb!
- Addley: You're dumb, you like punk!”
Frederick Coffin - Ike
Michael McCleery - Addley

“- Assistant Mechanic: Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid as you drivin' off that road. You musta got manure for your brains.
- Clark Griswold: Yeah, well, I'm from out of town.”
John Diehl - Assistant Mechanic
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“When a man gets a hard on, you know where the blood comes from, right? You know where the blood comes from, right? His head and his feet. So, A - he's stupid, and B - he can't run.”
Isaiah Washington - Savon Garrison

“Don't stand there gawping! Like you've never seen the hand o' God before!”
Graham Arthur Chapman - General