“- Jeff Dunham: Bubba J., when you go to a NASCAR race and you party a lot, who is your designated driver?
- Bubba J.: What the fuck is that?
- Jeff Dunham: Do you drive drunk?
- Bubba J.: No, officer! I'm practicing.”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Bubba J.

“As I understand from your communication, Mr. Engle, you're on the brink of self-destruction. May I shake your hand? A brilliant idea! I speak as one who has destroyed himself a score of times.”

Thomas Mitchell - Gene Gibbons

“She finds human imperfection unforgiveable. And when I gradually discovered that my relationship to her was supposed to be not that of a loving husband and a good companion, but... but that of a kind of high priest to a virgin goddess, then my drinks grew deeper and more frequent.”

Cary Grant - C. K. Dexter Haven

“I thought all writers drank to excess and beat their wives. One time I secretly wanted to be a writer.”
Cary Grant - C. K. Dexter Haven

“Champagne's funny stuff. I'm used to whisky. Whiskey is a slap on the back and champagne's heavey mist before my eyes.”
James Stewart - Macaulay Connor