“- Clark Griswold: Could I do your back, honey?
- Ellen Griswold: I've already done my back.
- Clark Griswold: Could I do your front?
- Ellen Griswold: Go do your own front.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“- Miss Millie: Your children are so clean. Would you like to work for me, be my maid?
- Sofia: Hell no.”
Dana Ivey - Miss Millie
Oprah Winfrey - Sofia

“- Leonard Marliston: Cindy, come on, I think it's important in time like this, we offer each other some support.
- Cindy: I'd like to offer the killer's ass some support... in the fucking electric chair.”
Jay Mohr - Leonard Marliston
Kristen Miller - Cindy

“I tried to put my tongue in her mouth and she punched me in the penis.”

Paul Giamatti - Veal Chop

“- Petal: Find yourself a girlfriend.
- Quoyle: I don't want a girlfriend, I want you.
- Petal: Your funeral.”
Cate Blanchett - Petal
Kevin Spacey - Quoyle