“- Rick: So this is where you work Turtle?
- Turtle: Only when da surf's bad, Barney. Cause' when da surf's good, nobody works!”
Matt Adler - Rick
John Philbin - Turtle

“The world is full of shit indeed.”
Thomas Jay Ryan - Henry Fool

“- Old Woman on Plane and Bus: I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
- Beavis: Really? I poop too much.
- Old Woman on Plane and Bus: Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
- Beavis: I mean... No, no. I poop too much! And then I get tired.”
Cloris Leachman - Old Woman on Plane and Bus
Mike Judge - Beavis

“I'll probably shit blood tonight.”

Kevin Spacey - Verbal

Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?". And the rabbit says, "No". So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Eddie Murphy - Eddie Murphy