“- Jake Wise: Look, I was a bit of an asshole. You know, I got crazy and I popped her a few times, she came after me with a knife. Just missed my balls.
- Terry Brogan: And was she going for them?
- Jake Wise: Don't they all?”
James Woods - Jake Wise
Jeff Bridges - Terry Brogan

“- Amber: Who is this?
- Andre: I am Andre le Pate. I have big balls! And my ass breathes fire!”
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Amber
Christian Clavier - Andre

“- Osmosis Jones: What the heck is a uvula?
- Drix: It's that little dangly hing that hangs down in Frank's...
- Osmosis Jones: Boxer shorts! Okay, here we go!
- Drix: Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!”
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones
David Hyde Pierce - Drix

“- Helen Gordon: You're making a noise.
- Harold Anderson: That's my penis. It hums.
- Helen Gordon: I guess it doesn't know the words. Well, I can teach it a few.”
Linda Fiorentino - Helen Gordon
Garry Shandling - Harold Anderson

“- Graydon: The success of our planet and domination of the universe rests in your hands.
- Harold Anderson: Thank you, sir.
- Graydon: Now if you'll go with these men, we'll arrange for your transfer, and attach your penis.”
Ben Kingsley - Graydon
Garry Shandling - Harold Anderson