“- Jake Wise: Look, I was a bit of an asshole. You know, I got crazy and I popped her a few times, she came after me with a knife. Just missed my balls.
- Terry Brogan: And was she going for them?
- Jake Wise: Don't they all?”
James Woods - Jake Wise
Jeff Bridges - Terry Brogan

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“That's why these lesbians are always going out and buyin', spendin' all their dough on sexual appliances and erotic monkey wrenches and shit, tryin' to compensate for what they don't have... the penis.”
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“After all, without sex, none of us would be born. And we are all born out of a woman's cunt. It is the center of the world. And the more we can do to glorify that holy spot, the more we're doing for mankind.”
Molly Parker - Florence

“- Terry Thorne: So what are you ladies celebrating?
- Dino: Life, liberty, and the ability to purchase clitoris.”
Russell Crowe - Terry Thorne
David Caruso - Dino