“- Bilko: Maybe, a plan is not what I really need. what I really need... is just a little puppy. A little puppy with big brown eyes, who would just come to me and lick my face, and just love me so much no matter what kind of person I am.”

Steve Martin - Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko

“- Nick: They're recreating the night we met... the boat... the music...
- Chessy: [points to herself] The help.
- Elizabeth: It's incredibly sweet.”
Dennis Quaid - Nick Parker
Natasha Richardson - Elizabeth James

“- Elizabeth: He won't be able to take care of you! He can barely take care of himself!
- Carla: We can take care of each other!”
Diane Keaton - Elizabeth
Juliette Lewis - Carla

“What we shared was as sweet and as endearing as a forehead kiss. It was what I wanted. It was what I needed. He was a gentleman, and a friend, and I will always love him for that.”

Monica Calhoun - Mia Morgan

“I love sluts. Sluts Rock! It's just got to be the right slut.”
Michael Showalter - Coop