“Ugliest child I've ever seen!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Mr. Magoo

“You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.”

Bill Murray - Dr. Peter Venkman

Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.

Val Kilmer - Chris Knight

“- Randall . 'R': What's he like?
- Jennifer - 'J': Oh, he's kinda like you.
- Randall - 'R': He's an asshole?
- Jennifer - 'J': Oh worse than that. He's a pathetic loser asshole.”

Albert Brooks - Randall - 'R'
Leelee Sobieski - Jennifer - 'J'

“- Dudley Frank: I'm looking forward to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids.
- Woody Stevens: Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.”
William H. Macy - Dudley Frank
John Travolta - Woody Stevens