“- Asian Minister: Civil or religious?
- Chuck Levine: Religious. I'm Jewish, I don't wanna piss my mother off.
- Larry Valentine: I'm Catholic, I don't wanna piss Mel Gibson off.”
Rob Schneider - Asian Minster
Adam Sandler - Chuck Levine
Kevin James - Larrie Valentine

“- Harry Blackitt: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.
- Mrs. Blackitt: What are we dear?
- Harry Blackitt: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.”
Graham Arthur Chapman - Harry Blackitt
Eric Idle - Mrs. Blackitt

I can go down the road any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice: “Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a french tickler, for I am a Protestant”.
Graham Arthur Chapman - Harry Blackitt

“You can give someone your delusion, Sara. That's religion.”
Tilda Swinton - Dr. Klemperer

“Here's to the profound religious experience that comes from doing a job well and being grossly underpaid.”
Kevin Spacey - Larry Mann