“- Mathew J. Clark: I've often thought I might like to devote myself to the theater. Would you think there might be a place for me?
- Oliver Webb: Oh yes, yes. Probably fill a long-felt want.”
Etienne Girardot - Mathew J. Clark
Walter Connolly - Oliver Webb

“- Viola De Lesseps: I would not have thought it: there is something better than a play!
- Will Shakespeare: There is.
- Viola De Lesseps: Even your play.
- Will Shakespeare: Hmm?
- Viola De Lesseps: And that was only my first try.”

Gwyneth Paltrow - Viola De Lesseps
Joseph Fiennes - Will Shakespeare

“If I don't touch you soon I'll go out of my mind.”

Burt Reynolds - Phil Potter

“Sex? I can't even say the word... not that I was ever really into it, but... when you don't have any and there are no prospects, well, it's very upsetting!”
Diane Keaton - J.C. Wiatt

“- Oh: I just want to lay with her so badly.
- Zed: I don't see it. I mean she's cute, but I don't think I'd lay with her.
- Oh: She's your sister. I mean, it would be like laying with your mother.
- Zed: Which was a big mistake, I see that now.”

Michael Cera - Oh
Jack Black - Zed