“- Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
- Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
- Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
- Monix: Oh yeah... let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.”
Will Ferrell - Jackie Moon
DeRay Davis - Bee Bee Ellis
Woody Harrelson - Monix

“- India Stoker: You look like my father.
- Charles Stoker: I am so sorry.
- India Stoker: It's your loss, too.”
Mia Wasikowska - India Stoker
Matthew Goode - Charles Stoker

“- Frida Kahlo: I love a man with melones that are bigger than mine.
- Diego Rivera: And I love a woman with cojones.”
Salma Hayek - Frida Kahlo
Alfred Molina - Diego Rivera

“Look at you, you ain't no gangster! You're all Mr. 2% Milk, Mr. Khaki Pants, Mr. Touched By An Angel. Get out my face!”
Alex Solowitz - Mickey Parke

“- Duty Cop: Detailed description?
- Jessica Wilhern: Brown hair. Brown eyes. A unique... ly pleasant personality.”
John Voce - Duty Cop
Catherine O'Hara - Jessica Wilhern