“- Jack Putter: Did you hear that?
- Waiting Room Patient: Hear what?
- Jack Putter: You didn't hear that then?
- Waiting Room Patient: No, I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything. Are you feeling all right?
- Jack Putter: Would I be in a doctor's office if I was feeling all right?”

Martin Hayter Short - Jack Putter
Andrea Martin - Waiting Room Patient

“- Alice Kingsleigh: Where am I?
- Addison Bennett: Let me see, excitable, prone to fantasy, textbook case of female hysteria. Untreatable, some say. I beg to differ. We’ll have her fixed in no time.”

Mia Wasikowska - Alice
Andrew Scott - Dr. Addison Bennett

“My doctor totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get off the surgery table looking life freakin' Shrek.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland

- Dr. Kersten: Funky, buttloving!
- George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"
Ross Lehman - Dr. Kersten
Patrick LaBrecque - George

“- Eugene G. Roe: You're a good nurse.
- Renee Lemaire: No. I never want to treat another wounded man again. I'd rather work in a butcher's shop.”
Shane Taylor - Eugene G. Roe
Lucie Jeanne - Renee Lemaire