- Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women.
- Andy: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say? I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the Seventh Degree Imperial Yo-Yo Master. "Ooh, do me, Yo-Yo Master, I want you to do me cause you're the yo-yo guy!".
Seth Rogen - Cal
Steve Carrell - Andy

“I can't work here. I've been trying. It's impossible. I've written three pages in the last six weeks. Three pages! The book is due on Wednesday. If we don't hand in the book I don't know what we're gonna do. We can't pay for anything.”
Ben Stiller - Alex Rose

“Pollution. Crime. Drugs, poverty, disease, hunger, despair, we throw gobs of money at them and problems only get worse. Why is that? Because money's most powerful ability is to allow bad people to continue doing bad things at the expense of those who don't have it.”

Ben Kingsley - Cosmo

“- Bartender: What's the problem?
- Georgia Hines: Do you see cigarettes? That's the problem.
- Bartender: How much money did you put in?
- Georgia Hines: Twelve dollar like it says.”

Nick Lapadula - Bartender
Marsha Mason - Georgia Hines

“- Monica: They say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
- Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
- Monica: That is the unusual activity.”

Courteney Cox - Monica Geller
Jennifer Aniston - Rachel Green