“You know, at one time, I used to break into pet shops to liberate the canaries. But I decided that was an idea way before its time. Zoos are full, prisons are overflowing. Oh my, how the world still dearly loves a cage.”
Ruth Gordon - Maude

“- Steve Dodds: Ro-ads. Ro-ods.
- Mike Donnelly: Quiet back there! I've taken enough guff from you for one day!
[turns to state trooper]
- Mike Donnelly: Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!”

David Spade - Steve Dodds
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly

“Juan Castillo... went to jail... for having sex with a goat. Ok? We lived on a farm! And I got lonely! We were just a couple of crazykids!”
Steve Lemme - Juan

“Damn. Prison changed you.”

Skylar Astin - Jesse

“Boy, a guy goes to jail for a couple of days and the whole town goes to hell!”

Paul Newman - Sully