“- Smokey Adams: Did you ever go to school, stupid?
- Pomeroy Watson: Yeah, and I come out the same way.”
Bud Abbott - Smokey Adams
Lou Costello - Pomeroy Watson

“- Veronica Vaughn: So what's it like, being back in school?
- Billy Madison: I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.”
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Veronica Vaughn
Adam Sandler - Billy Madison

“- Sammy: How was school today?
- Rudy: Stupid.”
Laura Linney - Sammy
Rory Culkin - Rudy

“- P.E. Teacher: Now you are gonna complete these sprints, because if you don't, you fail. And if you fail gym, you'll never get into college.
- Josie Geller: You guys are still telling that lie?”
Jennifer Parsons - P.E. Teacher
Drew Barrymore - Josie Geller

“- Billy Madison: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
- Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
- Billy Madison: Oh my God. I'll go to school.”
Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
Theresa Merritt - Juanita