“- Corky Romano: I never thought I'd live to see the day that an FBI agent would be peddling smack.
- Agent Brick Davis: Don't act so surprised. J. Edgar Hoover used to wear a dress.
- Corky Romano: Just tell me why, Brick.
- Agent Brick Davis: I don't know. I suppose it made him feel sexy.
- Corky Romano: Not Hoover. You!”
Chris Kattan - Corky Romano
Matthew Glave - Agent Brick Davis

“- Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir, what's your name?
- Pedro: Whut? I told you my name, man!
- Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir... what's your name?
- Pedro: [to Man] Hey man! The dude wants to know your name, man!
- Pedro: [Man vomits onto the floor of the car] Uuhhh - His name is Raalllph, man!”
Arthur Roberts - Arresting Officer
Cheech Marin - Pedro De Pacas

“To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood.”
Denzel Washington - Alonzo

“- Alonzo: Why do you wanna be a narc?
- Jake: I want to protect the streets by ridding it of dangerous drugs.
- Alonzo: Yeah, but why do you wanna be a narc?
- Jake: I wanna make detective.”
Denzel Washington - Alonzo
Ethan Hawke - Jake

“- Dr. Gonzo: [spills the cocaine] Jesus! You see what God just did to us, man?
- Raoul Duke: God didn't do that, you did it. You're a fucking narcotics agent, I knew it! That was our cocaine, you fucking pig swine whore.”
Benicio del Toro - Dr. Gonzo
Johnny Depp - Raoul Duke