“- Texas Man: Am I going too fast for ya?
- Pistachio Disguisey: Am I going to fast for ya?
- Texas Wife: Are you mocking my husband?
- Pistachio Disguisey: Are you mocking my husband?
- Texas Wife: ‘Cuz you better not be.
- Pistachio Disguisey: ‘Cuz you better not be.”
Robert Machray - Texas Man
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey
Rachel Lederman - Texas Wife

“- Grandfather Disguisey: Who are you now?
- Pistachio Disguisey: The question is not who I am, the question is who are you? I'm Prince Lali Jhamba from the Ringy Dingy Heights near Bombay, Calcutta and New Delhi, India. India. India.”
Harold Gould - Grandfather Disguisey
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey

“I don't want life to imitate art, I want life to be art.”
Meryl Streep - Suzanne Vale

- Omar Mukhtar: We do not kill prisoners!
- Arab Warrior: They do it to us!
- Omar Mukhtar: "They" are not our teachers!

Anthony Quinn - Omar Mukhtar

“- John Moss: Don't eat like me, don't sit like me, and do not smoke like me! I'm trying to quit, anyway.
- Nick Lang: Me too.
- John Moss: And don't quit like me, either!”
James Woods - John Moss
Michael J. Fox - Nick Lang