“- Mr. Esmond Sr.: Say, they told me you were stupid! You don't sound stupid to me!
- Lorelei Lee: I can be smart when it's important.”
Tommy Noonan - Gus Esmond Jr.
Marilyn Monroe - Lorelei Lee

“You're going to have to use your brain which is going to hurt because it's the weakest muscle in your body.”
Paul Hogan - Porter Ricks

“- Brenda Baker: Don't be a smartass.
- Mike Baker: Ok, I'll be a dumbass.”
Carlin Glynn - Brenda Baker
Justin Henry - Mike Baker

“- Michael: Did you explain school to him?
- Elliott: How do you explain school to higher intelligence?
- Michael: Maybe he's not that smart. Maybe he's like a worker bee who only knows how to push buttons or something.”

Robert MacNaughton - Michael
Henry Thomas - Elliott

“Why don't you watch television or something? And keep it on cartoons, don't try to get smart!”
David Arquette - Gordon