“If I wasn't happily married and you weren't my wife's stepsister I'd have an affair with you in a second.”
Alan Alda - Sidney Miller

- Lily: There's only one thing I want.
- Trenholm: Name it, and it's yours.
- Lily: I'd like to have a "Mrs." on my tombstone.
Barbara Stanwyck - Lily
George Brent - Trenholm

“What people want in a marriage is what I call emotional valet parking.”
David Rasche - Alan

“- Philip Train: Corinne, he's got you figured out. All he wants is your money.
- Corinne Jeffries: You're wrong. He wants my body.”

Ryan O'Neal - Philip Train
Cybill Lynne Shepherd - Corinne Jeffries

“- Matty Banks: Can I put Cameron back on the list if he promises not to eat?
- George Banks: You know, that's not a badidea. Who else can we ask not to eat? My parents and your mother.
- Annie Banks: Why don't we just charge people? That way we can make money on the wedding?”
Kieran Culkin - Matty Banks
Steve Martin - George Banks
Kimberly Williams-Paisley - Annie Banks