“Steffi, bring down a copy of my will... and an eraser.”

Alan Alda - Bob

“- Zach Cooper: Mom, are you positive there weren't any other places looking for vice principals?
- Gale Cooper: You promise you'll give it a shot?
- Zach Cooper: I promise, and I looked into it. Legally, I can't live on my own until I'm 18.”
Dylan Minnette - Zach
Amy Ryan - Gale

“- Dan: I haven't raped her!
- Yellowbeard: No, you wouldn't have you poncy little git! You're not the prawn of my loins, your mother's a bloody liar! That's what I liked about her!”
Martin Hewitt - Dan
Graham Arthur Chapman - Yellowbeard

“Walter, you were like a son to me. But as you well know, having a son can turn out to be a bitter disappointment.”
Jack Warden - Nelson Longhurst

“Lord, it's my dope fiend thief of a son and his crazy little nymphomaniac wife.”
Grace Zabriskie - Bob's Mother