“- Adam: Kwantsu Dudes!
- Johnny: Wow, they really must like that word.
- Adam: Yeah, it probably means like... free beer, or something.”

Nicolas Cowan - Adam
Ernie Reyes Jr. - Johnny

“Fact: Alcohol kills brain cells. You lose one more and you're a talking monkey.”

Mark Harmon - Freddy Shoop

“- Nick Frescia: Generally I recommend my men stay away from vodka, and stick with scotch and bourbon.
- Jo Ann: Why is that?
- Nick Frescia: So the brass will know they're drunk and not stupid.”
Kurt Russell - Frescia
Michelle Pfeiffer - Jo Ann

“- Matty: You aren't too smart, are you? I like that in a man.
- Ned: What else do you like? Lazy? Ugly? Horny? I got 'em all.
- Matty: You don't look lazy.”
Kathleen Turner - Matty Walker
William Hurt - Ned Racine

“He's dumb, but a loveable shit.”

Jackie Gleason - Buford T. Justice