“- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Can't keep me here, chief.
- Chief Jerry Karlin: Maybe I'm not going to keep you in here. Maybe I'm going to blow your brains out.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Well, now, I'm no lawyer, but I do believe that's a violation of my rights.”

Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher
Joe Don Baker - Chief Jerry Karlin

“- Ed Hocken: They can't kick you off the force, Frank! It's just not fair!
- Frank Drebin: I know, Ed. Life isn't always fair. Just think. The next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.”
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“What was I doing in jail? What I was doing, let me advise you, was fixing to shoot some motherfucker working in that hospital, that's what I was doing.”
Ving Rhames - Lt. Reilly

“- Billali: The prisoners - are they to be turned back to the caves?
- She: No, kill them!”
Gustav von Seyffertitz - Billali
Helen Gahagan - She

“Two things happen to a man in jail. He comes out a killer or he comes out a Christian.”
Namir Khan - Bartender