- Martin Daniels: He says he doesn't wear a wig, and a person doesn't take it as a compliment if you say, "nice wig".
- Clifford: But I didn't say "nice wig", Uncle Martin, I said "bestest-looking wig". I believe there is a difference.
Charles Grodin - Martin Daniels
Martin Hayter Short - Clifford Daniels

“Is that your real hair or did you scalp an angel?”

Bob Hope - Larry Haines

“- Reginald Anson: They're pretty.
- Elizabeth aka Betty from Cardiff: Mmm, yes. Not as pretty as me... you are supposed to say that.”

Hugh Grant - Reginald Anson
Tara Fitzgerald - Elizabeth aka Betty from Cardiff

“I'm not afraid of you. I told Helen you wouldn't be so ugly if you cut your hair.”
Tina Majorino - Enola

“I can feel my hair growing.”

Doris Roberts - Grandma Lilly