“- Nacho: I'm not listening to you! You only believe in science. That's probably why we never win!
- Esqueleto: We never win because you are fat!”

Jack Black - Nacho
Héctor Jiménez - Esqueleto

“- Courtney: Why does everyone have to go on a diet?
- Sparky Polastri: Because in cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go as high.”
Clare Kramer - Courtney
Ian Roberts - Sparky Polastri

“- Evelyn Couch: I can't even look at my own vagina!
- Ninny Threadgoode: Well I can't help you on that one honey.”
Kathy Bates - Evelyn Couch
Jessica Tandy - Ninny Threadgoode

“- Evelyn Couch: That's a low cholesterol meal. Happy Valentine's.
- Ed Couch: God! Are you trying to kill me?”
Kathy Bates - Evelyn Couch
Gailard Sartain - Ed Couch

“I've got cancer? Oh god, I'm going to go bald and have to eat macrobiotic food!”
Rachel Griffiths - Rhonda Epinstalk