“My life sucks. Now, come on give her the Waikikiki sneaky behind the cheeky.”
Rob Schneider - Ula

“- Junior Healey: What are you getting onto me for? I didn't do anything. I just watched it.
- Ben Healey: Yes, and so did the entire neighborhood.
- Junior Healey: I didn't hear any complaints.”

Michael Oliver - Junior Healy
John Ritter - Ben Healy

“- Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
- Fletcher Reede: I've had better.”

Amanda Donohoe - Miranda
Jim Carrey - Fletcher Reede

“- Lucille: Alky can't make a fool of me. I want to go places. I want to do things. I want freedom, I want liberty, I want justice...
- Groucho: Madam, you're making history. In fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.”
Thelma Todd - Lucille
Groucho Marx - Groucho

“When we have sex, it feels like shagging a bag of spuds - you lay there like a bit of wet rag.”

George Costigan - Bob