“- Distinguished Gentleman: If we don't get that piece then we'll have to wait five thousand years for another alignment.
- Manfred Powell: I don't know about you but I'm not planning to give that much time to this enterprise.”
Richard Johnson - Distinguished Gentleman
Iain Glen - Manfred Powell

“- Miles Massey: I do!
- Wee Kirk Priest: Jesus, will you let me finish? Have you never been married before?”

George Clooney - Miles

“- Barbara Butabi: Steve, don't hit on the bridesmaid. It's your wedding.
- Kamehl Butabi: Can you wait until after the ceremony please?”
Loni Anderson - Barbara Butabi
Dan Hedaya - Kamehl Butabi

“- Lisa Provolone: I want Oscar.
- Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone: I want him more than you do. But he's on the lam and Anthony's taking the rap for him.
- Lisa Provolone: Thank you very much. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to romance?
- Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone: Whatever happened to waiting till the wedding night?”
Marisa Tomei - Lisa Provolone
Sylvester Stallone - Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone

“- Cpl. Bill Smollett 2nd: You will marry me when it's over, won't you, Jane? You won't be mad at me because I didn't marry you now?
- Jane Hilton: Of course I won't be mad. But you take care of yourself.”

Robert Walker - Cpl. Bill Smollett 2nd
Jennifer Jones - Jane Hilton