“- Margaret Wade: You know why men are so lousy when it comes to taking care of babies?
- Dennis Mitchell: They have better things to do.
- Margaret Wade: Like what? Play golf and drink beer?
- Dennis Mitchell: No, like hunting, having wars, driving cars, shaving, cleaning fish.”
Amy Sakasitz - Margaret Wade
Mason Gamble - Dennis Mitchell

“- Norby: Did a baby get off this bus? A little guy about two feet tall. It's an emergency!
- Bus Driver: I didn't have nobody today with a baby.
- Norby: He was by himself!”
Joe Pantoliano - Norby
Dan Frick - Bus Driver

“A baby's got to do what a baby's got to do!”
Christine Cavanaugh - Chuckie Finster

“- Lil DeVille: Um, Bobfather, we found this in our crib.
- Angelica: Well that's what you get for wiping your boogers on Cynthia.
- Phil DeVille: So that's where I left them.”

Kath Soucie - Lil DeVille
Cheryl Chase - Angelica
Kath Soucie - Phil DeVille

“- Ricky Bobby: Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, in your golden, fleece diapers, with your curled-up, fat, balled-up little fists pawin' at the air...
- Chip: He was a man! He had a beard!
- Ricky Bobby: I like the baby version the best, do you hear me?”
Will Ferrell - Ricky Bobby
Ted Manson - Chip