Bernie Mac movie quotes

“Sometimes when you lose you win, son. Failure is just life's way of preparing you for success.”
Bernie Mac

“Blue you ain't nothing! You don't deserve nut-zin, you don't get nothing. You get what I give you. I got a contract between me and you that say you do what I tell you to do. Therefore, shut the fuck, don't say nothin to me, don't even look at me. Tell you what, you better get on up outta my office and outta my face, before you get swole.”
Bernie Mac - Dollar Bill

“Hugs aren't like pieces of pie. Plenty of hugs to go around.”
Bernie Mac

Boy, just be yourself. If people don't like you for being yourself... Fuck 'em! Let me tell you something. I scored with a girl when I was about your age. I try to please her poppa all the time; wen' out my way to please her poppa. I came in one day, I said, "Nice weather we having". He said, "You can't say that. You can't say that; it might... (continue)(continue reading)
Bernie Mac - Uncle Vester

“Suffering is a good teacher. It keeps you in its grip until you've learned your lesson.”
Bernie Mac

“You gotta dress for the job you want, not the job you got.”
Bernie Mac - Mitch Gilliam

“- Frank Catton: You can fire no waitress based on appearance. Man that's just unconstitutional.
- Danny Ocean: If they were waitress.
- Linus Caldwell: Yeah, they're actually hired as 'models who serve' so that Bank can monitor their physical appearance.
- Rusty Ryan: It's a cruel, cruel practice.”
Bernie Mac - Frank Catton
George Clooney - Danny Ocean
Matt Damon - Linus Caldwell
Brad Pitt - Rusty Ryan

“- Ashtray: We didn't even do nothing.
- Officer Self Hatred: What? You think you tough?
[pulls gun on Ashtray]
- Officer Self Hatred: You ain't so tough now, little nigga. I hate your black bastards, you stink! I hate your black skin. I hate your black pants. I hate black pepper. I hate black keys on a piano. I hate my gums, because they're...” (continue)(continue reading)
Shawn Wayans - Ashtray
Bernie Mac - Officer Self Hatred

“- Zuba: Oh. No, son. I mean how could this happen? You told us you were a king. And a king does not get beat.
- Alex: Well, I am a king. I'm the... I'm the King of New York. It's - it's my stage name. I'm like, you know, it's - for when I perform.”
Bernie Mac - Zuba
Ben Stiller - Alex

“You can survive a stroke, but the high prices of medicine will give you a heart attack.”
Bernie Mac - Mitch Gilliam

“If you don't bust a nut when I bust a nut... then you fresh outta fuckin' luck!”
Bernie Mac - Bernie Mac

“- Makunga: Look at it this way. After I defeat you and take your place as alpha lion, you'll have that much more time to spend with your pathetic excuse of a son.
- Zuba: Before I kick your butt again, tell me why you want to be alpha lion?
- Makunga: I'm better looking, I have better hair, I'm deceitfully smart, and I want everyone to do what I...” (continue)(continue reading)
Alec Baldwin - Makunga
Bernie Mac - Zuba

“If you mess something up, remember who got you there. Don't be pointing fingers, even if finger-pointing is called for. Only one you got to blame is your own self.”
Bernie Mac

“- Uncle Vester: Boy, I miss your father.
- Kid: So do I.
- Uncle Vester: I wish he was here.
- Kid: Me too, Uncle Vester.
- Uncle Vester: Besides, he owe me $150.”
Bernie Mac - Uncle Vester
Christopher Reid - Kid

“- Zuba: Love transcends all boundaries. We are here to celebrate such a love. Do you two take each other for better or worse?
- Skipper: For better, please.”
Bernie Mac - Zuba
Tom McGrath - Skipper

“- Charles Townsend: I hope the Angels aren't being too rough on you.
- Jimmy Bosley: Man, please. I date fat women. What you talkin' 'bout?”
John Forsythe - Charles Townsend
Bernie Mac - Jimmy Bosley

“There's no such thing as white-collar crime. And there's definitely no such thing as black-on-black crime. Crime is crime. Let me explain something to you. I don't care if you have a white collar or a tank top. If you rob me, I'm gonna whup your ass.”
Bernie Mac - Mitch Gilliam

“I'm a lot of things. A liar's not one of them. Especially not in front of my mammy.”
Bernie Mac - Bobby Bolivia

“If you're gonna marry one of these women, sometimes it's gonna hurt like hell. And all you can do is admit that you're wrong and know that she's always right.”
Bernie Mac - Percy Jones

They might as well call it "whitejack"!

Bernie Mac - Frank Catton

“- Jay: What do you get when you cross one million lesbians and the million man march?
- Wendell: Two million mother-fuckers who don't do dick.”
Bernie Mac - Jay
Wendell Pierce - Wendell

“- Blue: I just don't understand exactly why you're charging me twenty percent interest on the money that you loaned me, when you already taking thirty percent out of my check.
- Dollar Bill: Welcome to the strippin' game, partner. Blue, you ain't nothin'. All you do is spin records, that's all you do. Who'd you think you are, DJ Quick? Kid...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jamie Foxx - Blue
Bernie Mac - Dollar Bill

"Mother-fucker" is a word that black folks have been using for years. It's about expression. Don't be ashamed of the word "mother-fucker". Because "mother-fucker" is a noun: it describes a person, place or thing.
Bernie Mac - Bernie Mac