Billy Connolly movie quotes

“When I raise my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold on judgment, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will repay those who hate me. Oh, Lord, raise me to Thy right hand and count me among Thy saints.”
Billy Connolly - Il Duce

“The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.”
Billy Connolly

“If I had a hammer, there'd be no more folksingers.”
Billy Connolly

“- Delgardo: Show me no mercy, give me no bail! I'm ready and willing to go to jail!
- Baxter: I'm not going to send you to jail for two reasons: first, I refuse to make a martyr of you, and second, it is still being redecorated.”
Billy Connolly - Delgado
Sir Michael Caine - Baxter

“- Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro: Do you feel that grip?
- Voltri, First Mate: I do sir. I do.
- Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro: Powerful enough to snap the neck of a small beast, and yet sensitive enough to caress the tender throat of a young castrato. Coax a song out of him.”

Billy Connolly - Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro
Tony Shalhoub - Voltri, First Mate

“- Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro: Perhaps we should wrestle sometime. Do you like the taut roundness that exercise brings to the buttocks?
- Maurice: Yeah.
- Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro: Do you enjoy the warmth of the Mediterranean sun on that self-same place? I once wrestled a man on the steps of the Acropolis, when the sun was at its height,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Billy Connolly - Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro
Oliver Platt - Maurice

“History teaches us that men behave wisely once they've exhausted all other alternatives. For most rock bands, the pursuit of wisdom's a low priority compared to fame, fortune and fornication.”
Billy Connolly - Hughie

“- Governor Ratcliffe: It's time to start digging.
- Ben: Digging?
- Governor Ratcliffe: Why, of course. Let's not forget what the Spanish found when they came to the New World. Gold! Mountains of it. Why, for years they've been ravaging the New World of its most precious resources. But now it's our turn.”
David Ogden Stiers - Governor Ratcliffe
Billy Connolly - Ben

“- Nigel: The way you play you probably will. You forget I saw your Barber of Seville, your singing brought tears to my ears.
- Wilf Bond: Saw you in Carmen. I'll never forget it, but I'll try.”
John Rawnsley - Nigel
Billy Connolly - Wilf Bond

“Never shall innocent blood be shed, yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river.”
Billy Connolly - Il Duce

“- Wilf Bond: I read somewhere that the average man thinks of sex every seven seconds.
- Reggie Paget: Do you?
- Wilf Bond: I wish, it was only every seven seconds.”
Billy Connolly - Wilf Bond
Tom Courtenay - Reggie Paget

“Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a
bicycle repair kit.”
Billy Connolly

“- Connor: How far are we gonna take this, Da?
- Il Duce: The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed?”
Sean Patrick Flanery - Connor MacManus
Billy Connolly - Il Duce

“- Lon: This place gives me the creeps. Savages could be hiding anywhere.
- Ben: Aye, well if you spot one, don't ask questions, just shoot.”
Joe Baker - Lon
Billy Connolly - Ben

- David "Beano" Baggot: Are you still a road dog, Hughie?
- Hughie: Nah. The last tour I did was ten years ago. It was Aerosmith, but they've gone and cleaned up their act. It's all wheatgrass juice and fuckin' pumpkin seeds. I hope you guys are still crazy, or I'm outta here.
Timothy Spall - David "Beano" Baggot
Billy Connolly - Hughie

“I've always wanted to sound like Billy Connolly.”

Billy Connolly - PC

“- Professor Johnston: Died 1382.
- Kate Ericson: Born 1971.”

Billy Connolly - Professor Johnston
Frances O'Connor - Kate Ericson

“- Ben: We're having loads of fun. Right, look at us. No gold, no food, while Ratcliffe sits up in his tent all day happy as a clam.
- Governor Ratcliffe: I'm doomed! I should be wallowing in riches right now, and I haven't found as much as a speck!”
Billy Connolly - Ben
David Ogden Stiers - Governor Ratcliffe

“- Hughie: Would you like a hit?
- Karen Knowles: I haven't done that in years.
- Hughie: Now would be a very good time to start.”

Billy Connolly - Hughie
Juliet Aubrey - Karen Knowles

“- Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro: Are either of you Greek?
- Arthur: No.
- Maurice: Well, yes, actually I'm half-Greek.
- Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro: Top half or bottom half?”
Billy Connolly - Mr. Sparks, the Tennis Pro
Stanley Tucci - Arthur
Oliver Platt - Maurice

“Whosoever shed man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed. For in the image of God made He man.”
Billy Connolly - Il Duce

“I don't care, I don't give a damn! British justice is a farce and a sham!”

Billy Connolly - Delgado