Chris Farley movie quotes

“- Mike Donnelly: Whoa, what happened to you? Did you fall into some mud or something?
- Steve Dodds: Yeah, I did. And now I'm gonna be famous because I'm the only one in the world who knows where you can find white mud.”
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly
David Spade - Steve Dodds

“- Haru: I am sure you would like to know who I am and what I do, but as part of my creed, I cannot tell you. See, my identity must remain mysterious and my mission secret, I cannot reveal it to you.
- Billy: Why not?
- Haru: Because I would then have to kill you.
- Billy: Daddy!
[runs to his dad, frightened]
- Billy: Daddy, he said he's gonna...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Farley - Haru
Curtis Blanck - Billy
Tom Bailey - Billy's Dad

“- Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
- Richard: I dunno, the vet?
- Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
- Richard: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
- Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
- Richard: Got that?
- Tommy: Shut up.”

Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“- Tommy: Richard, do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.
- Richard: Nope, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder.
- Tommy: My shoulder doesn't hurt very much, but my face does.
[points to huge bruised area on his face]
- Tommy: Right here. Not here or here so much. Right here.
- Richard: Nope. Ship shape! Waitress, can I get that...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard
Maria Vacratsis - Helen

“I wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward.”

Chris Farley - Tommy

“I was just checking the specs on the endline for the... rotary... girder... I'm retarded.”

Chris Farley - Tommy

“The next person who leaves for New Orleans will do so with a lead ball in his back!”
Chris Farley - Bartholomew Hunt

I name this here fork "Pittsburgh Nellie”, a Welsh whore who could do things with her one good arm that'd make you forget that thing on her neck.
Chris Farley - Bartholomew Hunt

“You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, 'cause I'll come over there, and jam an oar up your ass.”

Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Haru: Oh I see you got the R2347ST Printing press. This thing came out the same time I was printing leaflets for the Shave the Whales Foundation.
- Martin Tanley: You mean Save the Whales.
- Haru: Oh is that what you did with them? Maybe it was starve the whales… starve the whales.”
Chris Farley - Haru
Nathaniel Parker - Martin Tanley

“- Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?
- Richard: No, your face does.”
Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“A spy is like a gnat compared to a ninja.”
Chris Farley - Haru

“- Kid in Bank: Hey, Mom! It's the guy who robbed the bank.
- Tommy: I didn't rob any bank.
- Kid in Bank: Oh, yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head.
- Tommy: I got a tiny head?”
Gil Filar - Kid in Bank
Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
- Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.
- Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
- Richard: I know, they're called doctors.”
Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“- Steve Dodds: Ro-ads. Ro-ods.
- Mike Donnelly: Quiet back there! I've taken enough guff from you for one day!
[turns to state trooper]
- Mike Donnelly: Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!”

David Spade - Steve Dodds
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly