David Schwimmer movie quotes

“You'd better treat this lady like a queen. Because you, you my friend... have found the perfect woman. If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman, I would give her flowers every day. And not just any flowers, okay? Her favorites are orchids. White. And I would bring her breakfast every day. Six loaves of wheat bread with butter on both...” (continue)(continue reading)

David Schwimmer - Melman

“True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.”
David Schwimmer - Max Abbitt

“All I did wrong was try and save money. I tried to buy what I needed for less.”
David Schwimmer - Matthew Quirk

“- Julien: If I, King Julien, that's my name, had only two days to live, I would do all the things I always wanted to do.
- Melman: Like what?
- Julien: I'd become a professional whistler. I'm pretty fantastic right now, but I would do it professionally.”
Sacha Baron Cohen - Julien
David Schwimmer - Melman

“- Charlie: I put him in the septic tank.
- Gus: Who?
- Charlie: The corpse.
- Gus: What corpse?
- Charlie: The reverend's corpse.
- Gus: He wasn't a corpse when I left him, Charlie.”
David Schwimmer - Charlie
Simon Pegg - Gus

“I'd spend every day thinking of ways to make her laugh. She has the most... amazing laugh. That's what I would do, if I were you. But I'm not. So you do it.”

David Schwimmer - Melman

“- Melman: What, you don't have doctors here?
- Stephen: Well not any more.
- Melman: What if you catch a cold or something.
- Additional Giraffe: We go over to the dying holes, and we die.”
David Schwimmer - Melman
Stephen Kearin - Stephen
Harland Williams - Additional Giraffe

“- Charlie: Did you check her pulse?
- Josie McBroom: Well I assumed that when you have an axe lodged in your skull, your pulse tends to bottom out on you.”
David Schwimmer - Charlie
Alice Eve - Josie McBroom

“Gloria, it wasn't the pills or the tourists, it was seeing you all these years that kept me going.”
David Schwimmer - Melman

“- Max Abbitt: I'm not gonna depress myself, and sit in my room all night listening to Barry Manilow records.
- Jay Murphy: Hey, that was a radio special!”
David Schwimmer - Max Abbitt
Jason Lee - Jay Murphy

“- Marty: Aw a thermometer! Thanks!I love it Melman, I love it!
- Melman: I really wanted to give you a personal present. Do you know that was my first rectal thermometer?”

Chris Rock - Marty
David Schwimmer - Melman

“- Gus: Did you know that the priest was alive when you killed him?
- Charlie: No!
- Gus: There you go then!”
Simon Pegg - Gus
David Schwimmer - Charlie

“I love you, Gloria! I always have! Like you love the beach, or a good book, or the beach...”
David Schwimmer - Melman

“- Angelica: Quinny, look what I got,
- Quinn Harris: What's that, baby?
- Angelica: It's a bathing suit, silly.
- Frank Martin: I thought it was an eye patch.”
Jacqueline Obradors - Angelica
Harrison Ford - Quinn Harris
David Schwimmer - Frank Martin

“- Phoebe: I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?
- Monica: I'll have a latte.
- Ross: I'll have a blueberry muffin, with a decaf.
- Chandler: I'll have a bagel with a little...
- Phoebe: You know, I was just being polite.”
Lisa Kudrow - Phoebe Buffay
Courteney Cox - Monica Geller
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller
Matthew Perry - Chandler Bing

“- Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?
- Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.”
Jennifer Aniston - Rachel Green
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller

“Ever have sex in a Mercedes? Convertible.”
David Schwimmer - Max Abbitt

“First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.”
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller

“- Charlie: Wait... wait... wait!
- Gus: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Rule number four: never return to the scene of the crime!
- Charlie: It's Josie's card, I left it by the phone.
- Gus: Rule number five, if your partner turns out to be an idiot, forget rule number four.”

David Schwimmer - Charlie
Simon Pegg - Gus

“- Gus: What are you doing?
- Charlie: He's crying. Jesus, Gus, he's crying for what we've done, for our sin.”

Simon Pegg - Gus
David Schwimmer - Charlie

“- Max Abbitt: I thought we agreed not to set each other up anymore.
- Jay Murphy: No, I agreed not to let you set me up anymore after that girl who you said was perfect for me tied me up and came out with that hood and cane and offered to beat the shit out of me.”
David Schwimmer - Max Abbitt
Jason Lee - Jay Murphy

“- Joey: You just want to stay here and wait for Rachel to come back from her date?
- Ross: Yeah. I mean, this guy could be my baby's stepfather.
- Joey: They go out on one date and you worry about her marrying him?”
Matt LeBlanc - Joey Tribbiani
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller

“You stick with the Virgin Mary, and remember, if you fuck it up again, you're back to Italy doing another romance novel.”
David Schwimmer - Max Abbitt

“- Ross: What are you doing tonight?
- Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?
- Ross: No.
- Chandler: Free as a bird, what's up?”
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller
Matthew Perry - Chandler Bing

“- Chandler: You can't come in.
- Monica: Why not?
- Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
- Ross: What?
- Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her I was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
- Ross: Why does anyone have to be naked?”
Matthew Perry - Chandler Bing
Courteney Cox - Monica Geller
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller