Holland Taylor movie quotes

“I've always had a hunger for realizing myself through my career.”
Holland Taylor

“Evelyn Harper-Charlie was a planned baby.
Alan Harper-What was I?
Evelyn Harper-Well, dear, you were a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom.
”
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“Alan Harper-Hey, mom, here's some good news. It seems with medical breakthroughs, the average life span will soon be a hundred years.
Evelyn Harper-Wonderful, more time to be ignored by your children.
”

Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“Walden Schmidt-Can we get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that sprays water and sprays your tooshie.
Evelyn Harper-With your money you can find an actual Japanese person to do it
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper

“Children are God’s little way of punishing us for having sex.”
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper

“I think God gives us children so death won’t come as such a disappointment.”
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper

“Confession may be good for the soul, but for marriage, it’s a hot, lead enema.”
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper

“Spending time with one’s children is greatly overrated.”
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper

“- Beatrice Stanhope: We haven't been friends for very long, George, but I already think I know something about you. You are in love with my daughter.
- George: Oh, Miss Ursula not so dumb.”
Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope
Brendan Fraser - George

“Ursula, it's mother. Pick up the phone and tell me who that man was I saw you strolling with today. And where is Lyle? We must discuss the engagement party. I know you're there, Ursula. Pick up the phone and tell me why you have been avoiding me.”
Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope

- Mrs. Petrie: Amy, I think you identify with Lucy Diamond. I think she sees your pathos. You've got some dangerous union symbiosis going on. What's that movie with Jodie? And the little dog falls in the well with the lotion?
- Madeline: "Silence of the lambs".
- Mrs. Petrie: You're the lamb, Amy.
Holland Taylor - Mrs. Petrie
Christina Kirk - Madeline

“If I'd known you were coming, I'd have sent you an invitation.”
Holland Taylor - Emma Jeffreys

“It took a long time to get to the place in my career where I could pick and choose what I wanted to do.”
Holland Taylor

“Most of the men who tease me about my hair, don't have any.”
Holland Taylor

“Are you kidding me? We conduct a nationwide manhunt for you and you're boning the suspect? Did you think this was a joke?”
Holland Taylor - Mrs. Petrie

“You and Ursula together would be unbefitting to her social stature, you see? Let me put it in the way you might understand. Where you come from, zebras marry zebras and leopards marry leopards. Stripes for stripes. Spots for spots. Ursula is a stripe and you are a spot. One which I intend to have removed as soon as possible.”

Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope

- Beatrice Stanhope: Arthur, I wish you would do something about all these monkeys. I feel like Jane Goodall.
- An Ape Named "Ape": Madam, I knew Jane Goodall and you are no Jane Goodall.

Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope
John Marwood Cleese - An Ape Named "Ape"

“- George: That hurt.
- Beatrice Stanhope: Not as much as you will if you do anything to screw up my daughter's marriage to Lyle Van de Groot.”

Brendan Fraser - George
Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope

Literary functions are not exactly Jack's speed. I mean, the guy's favorite author is the man who wrote "pull tab to open".
Holland Taylor - Gloria

“- Truman Burbank: It was Dad. I swear! Dressed like a homeless man. And you know what else was strange? A business man and a woman with a little dog came out of nowhere and forced him onto a bus.
- Truman's Mother: Well! It's about time they cleaned up the trash downtown before we become just like the rest of the country.”

Jim Carrey - Truman Burbank
Holland Taylor - Truman's Mother

“- Arthur Stanhope: Beatrice, this is supposed to be her wedding, not yours. I know you're upset, and so am I, but we can't force her to marry someone against her will.
- Beatrice Stanhope: Why not?
- Ursula Stanhope: Mom, dad, I'm ready to go out there and apologize to everybody and tell them what really happened.”

John Bennett Perry - Arthur Stanhope
Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope
Leslie Mann - Ursula Stanhope

- Ursula Stanhope: Did you just say "love"?
- Beatrice Stanhope: No...
- Ursula Stanhope: You did. You're right.
- Beatrice Stanhope: Ursula... don't say it.
- Ursula Stanhope: I love him! I'm out of here.
- Beatrice Stanhope: Ursula! You can't love him!

Leslie Mann - Ursula Stanhope
Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope

“A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be taught to achieve insight into the world around you. And to sharply question what you know.”
Holland Taylor - Professor Stromwell

“- George: So you no want Ursula to love George?
- Beatrice Stanhope: I'd rather have my tongue nailed to this table every morning at breakfast.”
Brendan Fraser - George
Holland Taylor - Beatrice Stanhope

“- Joan: Romance just doesn't seem real to me anymore.
- Gloria: Real? You don't write real, you write about people that sail off into the god damn sunset.
- Joan: Well, what about the next day, when the sun comes up?
- Gloria: There is no next day! That's why it's a romance. You've got to stop confusing real life with a romantic novel!”
Kathleen Turner - Joan
Holland Taylor - Gloria