Jackie Gleason movie quotes

“- Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
- Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County: The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it.
- Junior: What did he say?
- Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County: Shut up! One shit at a time!
- Junior: All right.”
George Reynolds - Branford
Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County
Mike Henry - Junior

“- Junior: Daddy, I don't think the Bandit's really bad. I think the trouble is he just got in with real bad company.
- Buford T. Justice: Bad company? Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. When you raid a cathouse, you take the piano player too.”
Mike Henry - Junior
Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice

“- U.S. Bates: Take your pants down
- Mr. Morehouse: Sir?
- U.S. Bates: Take your pants down.
[Morehouse pulls his pants down]
- U.S. Bates: That's power.”
Jackie Gleason - U.S. Bates
Ned Beatty - Mr. Morehouse

“- Policeman: Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock.
- Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County: You sombitches couldn't close an umbrella.”
Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County

“What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.”

Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County

“If Junior is able to get up in the morning, tie his shoelaces and take a pee, I'm not proud. I'm amazed.”
Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice

“Retirement is cat shit.”
Jackie Gleason - Buford T. Justice

“- Max Basner: That was something we all had in common... your grandfather, me, you. We always knew how to talk a girl into bed.
- David Basner: I'm glad you still can.
- Max Basner: I can't. I can't do it anymore.”
Jackie Gleason - Max Basner
Tom Hanks - David Basner

“What the hell is this, a drive-in movie?”

Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County

“- Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County: Hey boy, where's Sheriff Branford?
- Branford: I am Sheriff Branford.
- Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County: Ooo, Hee-Hee. For some reason or another, you sounded a little taller on radio, hee-hee.”
Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County
George Reynolds - Branford

“- Buford T. Justice: I gotcha!
- The Real Bandit: Hello, Buford. Well, you caught me with my pants down.
- Buford T. Justice: I did?
- The Real Bandit: That's a... figure of speech.”
Jackie Gleason - Buford T. Justice
Burt Reynolds - The Real Bandit

“Gimme the good old days when a pair of boobs were a couple of dumb guys.”
Jackie Gleason - Buford T. Justice

“- U.S. Bates: I want Eric to understand that having money means never having to say you're sorry.
- Jack Brown: I think that's about all the kid understands.”
Jackie Gleason - U.S. Bates
Richard Pryor - Jack Brown

“The truth has nothing to do with reality. You have to deal with reality. In reality, any one of these people, with a little persuasion, will say what I want them to say, because I am reality.”
Jackie Gleason - U.S. Bates

“- Junior: Daddy, look at that big ugly alligator!
- Buford T. Justice: That reminds me I gotta call your mama tonight.”
Mike Henry - Junior
Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice

“- Junior: My hat blew off, daddy.
- Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County: I hope your goddamn head was in it.”
Mike Henry - Junior
Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County

“- Buford T. Justice: You gotta have a sixth sense.
- Junior: I'd rather have a dime.”
Jackie Gleason - Buford T. Justice
Mike Henry - Junior Justice

“- David Basner: I could've been a great doctor.
- Max Basner: You could've been a great anything, son.”
Tom Hanks - David Basner
Jackie Gleason - Max Basner

“- Senator Newcomb: These democrats don't normally support us.
- U.S. Bates: Now, Senator, we agreed to keep that under our hats. If they knew this was a fund raiser, we'd be all alone.”
Ray Spruell - Senator Newcomb
Jackie Gleason - U.S. Bates

“- Nudist Female: If you want to stay, Sheriff, you've got to take your clothes off.
- Buford T. Justice: I don't even take my clothes off in front of my good wife, Wilhelmina.”
Janis Cummins - Nudist Female
Jackie Gleason - Buford T. Justice