Jeff Foxworthy movie quotes

My wife and I, we love watching Dateline, those shows where every week they will feature a disease. I swear to you, every week, no matter what the disease is, my wife has it. There could be three people on the planet that have this disease, my wife is one of them. She just watches it going "I've got it."
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“He's a killing machine disguised as an idiot!”
Jeff Foxworthy - Reggie

“A glorious absence of sophistication. It can be full-time or part-time, but we're all guilty of it at some time or another. And if you're not guilty of it, then you have relatives who are.”

Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

If you think "Silence Of The Lambs" is what happens when Larry goes out to the barn, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

It is so rare that I am at a loss for words, the only response I could come up with was, I said "I'll bet that is the first time in history the headline of the paper could include the words 'beaver' and 'nipple' and nobody would be offended by it".

Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

If you think "fast food" is hitting a deer at 65 miles an hour, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“If you think a 401k is your mother-in-law's bra size, you might be a redneck.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“Kids are great for a comedian, because kids are funny without even trying to be funny.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“I believe that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you can not baptize cats.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“I believe that if you let somebody cut in front of you in traffic and they don't give you the little wave, it should be perfectly legal to get up underneath 'em, get 'em loose, and put 'em into the wall.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“If you think N'Sync is where your dirty dishes are, you might be a redneck.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“I would rather take a beating with a brick stick than take kids in the grocery store.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“If you missed fifth grade graduation because you had jury duty, you might be a redneck.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“Do you know why women are able to train us? They are smarter than us. It ain't that big a deal. That's saying you're smarter than a creature who every time it takes its underwear off tries to catch them with its toes, flip them in the air, and catch them with its hand.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“I believe the only thing worse than having diarrhea is trying to have it quietly in a public bathroom.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

If you have a full set of salad bowls and they all say "cool whip" on the side, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“- Bill Engvall: When is your birthday?
- Larry The Cable Guy: February 17th.
- Jeff Foxworthy: No, what year is your birthday?
- Larry The Cable Guy: Every year.”
Bill Engvall - Himself
Larry the Cable Guy - Himself
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“If you work without a shirt on and so does your husband, you might be a redneck.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“I remember when I was a kid, there were two medicines: aspirin and Campho-Phenique, that was it. They advertise these prescriptions, and half the time, the side effects are 50 times worse than what the thing cures!”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“Little kids buy cereal the same way grown men buy lingerie. They will buy stuff they care nothing about just to get the prize that's inside.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy