Jerry Seinfeld movie quotes

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
Jerry Seinfeld

“Bees have never afraid to change the world. I mean, what about Bee Columbus, Bee Ghandi, Bee-Jesus?”
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson

“We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers, and dress like this!”

Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson

“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”
Jerry Seinfeld

“All of a sudden it hit me, I realized what the problem is: I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. ”
Jerry Seinfeld - Jerry Seinfeld

“People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Jerry Seinfeld

“- Vanessa Bloome: My only interest is flowers.
- Barry B. Benson: You know, our last queen was elected with that very slogan.”
Renee Zellweger - Vanessa Bloome
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson

This is your queen? That's a guy in women's clothes! That's a "drag" queen!
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson

“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
Jerry Seinfeld

“We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as nothing more than a vicious, smelly, ill-tempered, big-headed stink machine. I believe we all know what they do in the woods.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson

“- Barry B. Benson: What is that?
- Ken: Italian Vogue.
- Barry B. Benson: Mamma mia! That's a lot of pages.
- Ken: It's a lot of ads.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson
Patrick Warburton - Ken

“Who can deny the heart that is yearning?”
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson

“- Vanessa Bloome: Why don't you just fly everywhere? Isn't it faster?
- Barry B. Benson: Flying is exhausting. Why don't you humans just run everywhere, isn't that faster?
- Vanessa Bloome: I see your point.”
Renee Zellweger - Vanessa Bloome
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson

“- Barry B. Benson: How about a suicide pact?
- Vanessa Bloome: How do we do it?
- Barry B. Benson: I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Vanessa Bloome: That just kills you twice.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson
Renee Zellweger - Vanessa Bloome

“- Vanessa Bloome: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice.
- Barry B. Benson: It's not a tone, I'm panicking!”
Renee Zellweger - Vanessa Bloome
Jerry Seinfeld - Barry B. Benson

“Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?”
Jerry Seinfeld

“Where lipstick is concerned the important thing is not color but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.”
Jerry Seinfeld

“Men want the same thing from women that they want from their underwear... a little support, comfort, and freedom.”
Jerry Seinfeld

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel".
Jerry Seinfeld

“George-Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?
Jerry-Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Jerry Seinfeld
Jason Alexander - George Costanza

“What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? Do dreams require liquid? It’s not like I’m running a marathon, I’m just lying there.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Jerry Seinfeld

“Who goes on vacation without a job? What do you need a break from getting up at eleven?”
Jerry Seinfeld - Jerry Seinfeld

“Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Jerry Seinfeld

“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with sweatpants? You’re telling the world: ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Jerry Seinfeld

“I can’t go to a badmovie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?”
Jerry Seinfeld - Jerry Seinfeld