Joan Rivers movie quotes

“Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.”
Joan Rivers

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”
Joan Rivers

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was “the man goes on top and the woman underneath”. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers

“A child of one can be taught not to do certain things such as touch a hot stove, turn on the gas, pull lamps off the tables by their cords, or wake Mommy before noon.”
Joan Rivers

“My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.”
Joan Rivers

“Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favourite food is seconds.”
Joan Rivers On Liz Taylor

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”
Joan Rivers

“It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.”
Joan Rivers

“I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.”
Joan Rivers

“If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.”
Joan Rivers

“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”
Joan Rivers

“I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.”
Joan Rivers

“The paparazzi, they're the worst! They literally want the worst to happen to you — they want to live off your tragedy, your accident, your suicide, your death, even.”
Joan Rivers

“A child of one can be taught not to do certain things such as
touch a hot stove, turn on the gas, pull lamps off their tables
by their cords, or wake mommy before noon.”
Joan Rivers

“I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.”
Joan Rivers