Jonah Hill movie quotes

“When does telling the truth ever help anybody?”
Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli

“- Fogell: They let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
- Seth: And you landed on McLovin.
- Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
- Seth: Why the fuck would it be between that or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
- Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a...” (continue)(continue reading)

Christopher Mintz-Plasse - Fogell
Jonah Hill - Seth
Michael Cera - Evan

“Why read words when you can just kill the stuff the words tell you stuff about?”

Jonah Hill - Snotlout

“You know what I like the most about being rich? You can just be horrible to people and they just have to take it.”
Jonah Hill - Lewis

“We won't tell anyone. And if we do, we'll tell them not to tell anyone.”
Jonah Hill - Tommy

“- Max Belfort: What kind of hooker takes credit cards?
- Donnie Azoff: A rich one!”
Rob Reiner - Max Belfort
Jonah Hill - Donnie Azoff

“- Donnie Azoff: Jesus Christ, I think you have a fuckin' drug problem.
- Jordan Belfort: Where are the 'ludes'?
- Donnie Azoff: They're up my ass. Don't worry about it, I got it.
- Jordan Belfort: [sigh of relief] Thank God.”
Jonah Hill - Donnie Azoff
Leonardo DiCaprio - Jordan Belfort

“Watch out babe, I'll take care of this.
[throws a weapon at the dragon Deadly Nadder but misses; Astrid glares at him]
The sun was in my eyes, Astrid! What do you want me to do, block out the sun? I can do that, but I don't have the time right now!”
Jonah Hill - Snotlout

“All the money is made between the lines.”
Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli

“- Efraim Diveroli: I think you should come work for me.
- David Packouz: I'm against this war.
- Efraim Diveroli: This isn't about being pro-war. This is about being pro-money.”
Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli
Miles Teller - David Packouz

“You keep supplying the guns, we'll keep killing the bad guys. God bless you.”

Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli

“She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in or around her mouth!”
Jonah Hill - Seth

“- Schmidt: Say something cool when you throw it!
- Jenko: One, two, three! Something cool!”

Jonah Hill - Schmidt
Channing Tatum - Jenko

“- Schmidt: There's a grenade in my shorts, can you reach it? Go in from underneath!
- Jenko: Oh, shit! Is that it?
- Schmidt: No, that's my dick!
- Jenko: What about that?
- Schmidt: That's my dick also!
- Jenko: Why is it hard?
- Schmidt: I'm so full of adrenalin right now!”
Jonah Hill - Schmidt
Channing Tatum - Jenko

“Iraq is dope. I'm thinking about getting a place there.”
Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli

“- Seth: Dude you shouldn't have parked there.
- Evan: Man I'm about to graduate, they should be sucking on my ballsack, that’s the least they can do for stealing 4 years of my life.”

Jonah Hill - Seth
Michael Cera - Evan

“- David Packouz: Do you seriously want to drive to Baghdad?
- Efraim Diveroli: David, we're gun runners. Let's go run some guns.”
Miles Teller - David Packouz
Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli

“Everyone's fighting over the same pie and ignoring the crumbs. I live off crumbs.”
Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli

“Liking comic books is popular, environmental awareness, being tolerant. If I was just born ten years later, I would have been the coolest person ever.”

Jonah Hill - Shmidt

“- Efraim Diveroli: Jordanian customs seized our Berettas.
- David Packouz: What? Why?
- Efraim Diveroli: I don't fucking know, David! I dropped out of high school before they covered international diplomacy!”
Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli
Miles Teller - David Packouz

“- Donnie Azoff: How much money you make?
- Jordan Belfort: $70,000 last month.
- Donnie Azoff: Get the fuck outta here!
- Jordan Belfort: Well technically, $72,000 last month.
- Donnie Azoff: You show me a pay stub for $72,000, I quit my job right now and work for you. [later, on the phone] Hey Paulie, what's up? No, everything's fine. Hey...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jonah Hill - Donnie Azoff
Leonardo DiCaprio - Jordan Belfort

“- Donnie Azoff: I hate that fuckin' dog.
- Jordan Belfort: Yeah, it's getting old and decrepit. It's startin' to shit in the house again.
- Donnie Azoff: Me too.”
Jonah Hill - Donnie Azoff
Leonardo DiCaprio - Jordan Belfort

“- David Packouz: I thought you said that you sold like seized weapons to gun nuts on the internet.
- Efraim Diveroli: Not anymore. Now I only sell to one gun nut.
- David Packouz: Oh yeah? Which one?
- Efraim Diveroli: The U.S military, motherfucker!... Wanna do a bong hit?”
Miles Teller - David Packouz
Jonah Hill - Efraim Diveroli

“- Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
- Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind!”
Jay Baruchel - Jay
Jonah Hill - Jonah

“- Conservationist: What are you doing?
- Cooker: I'm definitely not burning ants with a magnifying glass if that's what you're implying.”
Jake Abel - Conservationist
Jonah Hill - Cooker