John Ritter movie quotes

“- Barney: Oh, shit. You drank me out of tequila.
- Zach: It was a dirty job, but somebody had to do it.”
John Ritter - Zach
Vincent Gardenia - Barney

“- Helen Knable: Let me get this straight. We've been sucked into some kind of TV world?
- Roy Knable: Are you saying that that salesman was...
- Crowley: Mr. Spike, Mephistopheles of the cathode ray, big brother to the ungrateful dead.”
Pam Dawber - Helen Knable
John Ritter - Roy Knable
Eugene Levy - Crowley

“- Nick Pirandello: We have been negotiating with men in UFOs for seven years. If we don't get to Washington by Friday, the whole deal will be off.
- Bob Wilson: Drive me home.
- Nick Pirandello: Bob, you said you were willing to listen!
- Bob Wilson: Negotiating with UFOs?
- Nick Pirandello: Yes! Space men ! Men from outer space! Alien beings!...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jim Belushi - Nick Pirandello
John Ritter - Bob Wilson

“- Junior Healy: Shut your trap.
- Ben Healy: You're an evil boy. And you've gotta learn to respect your elders. If your old man won't teach you some manners, by god I will.”

Michael Oliver - Junior Healy
John Ritter - Ben Healy

“- Chief Warren Kincaid: Jade, when you're 18 you can go to hell for all I care. But until then, I'm stuck with you, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you embarass me by winding up on Jerry Springer with some trailer trash low-life.
- Jesse: You fuck.
- Chief Warren Kincaid: But you won't. Not Jade anyway, not anymore.”

John Ritter - Chief Warren Kincaid
Nick Stabile - Jesse

“Remember if we win, we all get ice cream!”
John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.

“- Junior Healey: What are you getting onto me for? I didn't do anything. I just watched it.
- Ben Healey: Yes, and so did the entire neighborhood.
- Junior Healey: I didn't hear any complaints.”

Michael Oliver - Junior Healy
John Ritter - Ben Healy

We'll love him when he's bad, we'll love him even more when he gets worse, then one day he's gonna crack and say, "Hey, these people really do love me! They ain't gonna quit on me! I don't have to be bad anymore. What the hey, I can be President of the United States!".
John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.

“Roy Knable, private dick. Well, better than being a public dick.”

John Ritter - Roy Knable

“- Zach: If you think I'm such a failure, why do you keep on representing me?
- Sparky: That's like asking a heroin addict why he keeps shooting up. It's because he keeps hoping for that first-time rush, that cherry high, even though he knows he'll never get it again. He's hooked and he keeps hoping.
- Zach: Watch out, I may surprise you.
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
John Ritter - Zach
Peter Donat - Sparky

“- Helen Knable: Roy, I don't know where you are, but get your butt back here!
- Spike: Unfortunately, her gutless failure of a husband won't lift a finger to save her. Isn't that right, Roy?
- Roy Knable: No.”

Pam Dawber - Helen Knable
Jeffrey Jones - Spike
John Ritter - Roy Knable

“- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: This is nature, huh? The trees. The forests.
- Junior: The toilets.”

John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
Michael Oliver - Junior

“- Ben Healy: Junior, you remember Ms. Klaukinski.
- Junior Healy: How could I forget? Her pie gave us the runs.”
John Ritter - Ben Healy
Michael Oliver - Junior Healy

“- Mr. Peabody: Bad parents make bad children!
- Flo Healy: Oh so now I'm a bad parent just because I hate my kid!
- Mr. Peabody: You took him, he's yours!
- Little Ben Healy: That's because you conned us into him!
- Mr. Peabody: What am I supposed to do with the little creep? He's already been returned 30 times!”
Gilbert Gottfried - Mr. Peabody
Amy Yasbeck - Flo Healy
John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.

“- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: Dad, we adopted.
- Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Are you insane?
- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: I thought you'd be happy.
- Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Happy? You don't know what you're letting yourself in for. For all you know, his parents may have met in the looney bin. They might even be democrats!”
John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
Jack Warden - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.

“- Vaughan Cunningham: Homosexual. I like men sexually.
- Karl: Not funny ha-ha, funny queer.
- Vaughan Cunningham: Well that's a very offensive way to put it.”
John Ritter - Vaughan Cunningham
Billy Bob Thornton - Karl Childers

“- Barney: Why did you wrap yourself in toilet paper?
- Zach: Because I was cold.”
Vincent Gardenia - Barney
John Ritter - Zach

“- Lloyd Fellowes: The wellsprings of human action are deep and cloudy. Maybe something happened to you when you were a very, very, very small child that made you frightened to let go of groceries.
- Belinda Blair: Or it could be genetic.
- Garry Lejeune: Yes, or it could be... you know.
- Lloyd Fellowes: Could... could well be.”

Sir Michael Caine - Lloyd Fellowes
Marilu Henner - Belinda Blair
John Ritter - Garry Lejeune

“- Zach: I figured it out, Barney. You can't cure a problem until you know what's causing the problem. But before you can see what's causing the problem, you first have to remove the problem.
- Barney: You've gotta give up the vices to get to the virtues. I could've told you that.”
John Ritter - Zach
Vincent Gardenia - Barney

“We've adopted Satan!”

John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.

“Oh, my God! It's the devil!”

John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.

“I've never felt this way before. I'm seriously unhappy. This is just not the bush-league blues. We're talking major-league depression here. I can't sleep. I take pills. But they only last a couple of hours and then I'm up at 4:00 in the morning pacing the fucking house or walking on the cold fucking beach. I'm so miserable, I wanna fucking shoot...” (continue)(continue reading)
John Ritter - Zach

- Executioner: Any last requests?
- Roy Knable: Yeah, how about the long version of "Stairway to Heaven"?
- Executioner: I'm afraid that is not where you are going.

Gordon Masten - Executioner
John Ritter - Roy Knable

“I'm the chief of police, sport. I can do whatever I want. Like for example if I were to run a blood test on you tonight and the results made you look like Christian Slater on New Year's Eve, do you think anyone would question me?”

John Ritter - Chief Warren Kincaid

“- Ben Healy: Junior, now you get out of this car. You are going to school!
- Junior Healy: I'd rather jump off a cliff.”
John Ritter - Ben Healy
Michael Oliver - Junior Healy