Rodney Dangerfield movie quotes

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
Rodney Dangerfield

“- Jason Melon: Uh, we got Economics tomorrow at 11 o'clock.
- Thornton Melon: 11 o'clock? No good. I got a massage 11 o'clock. Tell 'em to make it 2 o'clock.
- Jason Melon: No, dad. Uh, you don't get it. They're not gonna re-schedule the classes around your massage.
- Thornton Melon: All right, 11 o'clock, but I'm gonna talk to that Dean. I mean...” (continue)(continue reading)
Keith Gordon - Jason Melon
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“- Chester Lee: He's playing like a psycho, he's nuts!
- Julie Benson: Looks like Norman Bates is playing soccer.
- Chester Lee: Hey, after the game no showers.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee
Jackée Harry - Julie Benson

“I've never saw such beautiful landscaping. Looks like all the trees threw up.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee

“- Trendy Man: Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.
- Thornton Melon: You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.
- Trendy Man: Well, she's very proud of it.
- Thornton Melon: I'm proud of mine too. I don't go waving it around at parties, though.
- Trendy Man: It's an exceptional painting.
- Thornton Melon: Oh, the painting.”
Timothy Stack - Trendy Man
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“- Dr. Diane Turner: Ever since the women's movement, most of the men I meet go out of their way to show you how sensitive they are. Before, they were too macho, and now they're too... soft. You all want us to know you can cry.
- Thornton Melon: No, with women, I never cry. Never. I beg.”
Sally Kellerman - Dr. Diane Turner
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“- Vanessa: Are you saying I spend too much money?
- Thornton Melon: You spend too much money? Nah. A lot of people go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed.
- Vanessa: You have no taste, Thornton.
- Thornton Melon: You're right. I married you, didn't I?”
Adrienne Barbeau - Vanessa
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“Wow! The only thing quicker than that is when I'm having sex!”

Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee

“- Jason Melon: Dad, what's goin' on here?
- Thornton Melon: I'm doin' my homework.
- Jason Melon: No, no, no, no, they're doing your homework.
- Thornton Melon: Jason, a good executive knows how to delegate authority.”

Keith Gordon - Jason Melon
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“I don't know. I can't figure women out. Today, they're... independent. They only think about themselves. Why, during sex, Vanessa, she used to scream out her own name!”
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“- Nicky: I was hit by this big light that was attached to a lot of metal.
- Lucifer: That was a train, son, don't stand in front of them.”
Adam Sandler - Nicky
Rodney Dangerfield - Lucifer

“- Loan broker: So, you found your dream house. And right now you're asking First Boise Savings & Loan to give you a mortgage.
- Arlo Pear: As you can see, I've had the same job for 15 years.
- Loan broker: Well, that's very nice, but it's not enough. I mean, Al Capone had the same job for 30 years.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Loan Broker
Richard Pryor - Arlo Pear

“I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?”

Rodney Dangerfield - Al Czervik

“- Rover Dangerfield: He throws a stick, you run and get it, you bring it back and he throws it again! I don't get it! I mean, what's the point?
- Raffles: Because it makes them happy and it gives them lots of exercise.
- Rover Dangerfield: If they want exercise, let them run and get it.
- Raffles: So what should I do?
- Rover Dangerfield: It's...” (continue)(continue reading)

Rodney Dangerfield - Rover Dangerfield
Ned Luke - Raffles

“- Thornton Melon: What's your favorite subject?
- Bubbles the Hot Tub Girl: Poetry.
- Thornton Melon: Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon
Becky LeBeau - Bubbles the Hot Tub Girl

- Chester Lee: You've got to change your behavior.
- Matthew: Oh and what'd I do?
- Chester Lee: What'd you do? A girl doesn't give the opposing team the finger and tell their coach, "Up yours!". A girl doesn't refer to the referee as a blind bastard. A girl doesn't slap another girl on the ass and say, "You're hot stuff!". And a girl doesn't... (continue)(continue reading)
Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee
Jonathan Brandis - Matthew

“- Mrs. Monahan: You pollute the air with your smoking. You reek of liquor and God knows what else. You're an ecological menace!
- Monty Capuletti: Yeah, well you were the inspiration for twin beds!”
Geraldine Fitzgerald - Mrs. Monahan
Rodney Dangerfield - Monty Capuletti

“The high school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity, he threw the teacher out the window!”
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?
[looks at Judge Smails, who's wearing the same hat]
Oh, it looks good on you though.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Al Czervik

“- Rover Dangerfield: Where's Flappy?
- Queenie: Carmine fired him. He couldn't remember the routines.
- Rover Dangerfield: I saw that coming. Flappy was dumb. He used to walk backwards and wag his head. I mean dumb! Carmine taught him to sit, he forgot how to stand! And when Carmine paper-trained him, that was something. He went right on the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Rodney Dangerfield - Rover Dangerfield

“- Jason Melon: Wait a minute. When did you dream about going to college?
- Thornton Melon: When I used to fall asleep in high school.”
Keith Gordon - Jason Melon
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“My mother-in-law, for years I wouldn't kiss her face; I end up kissing her ass.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Monty Capuletti

“Women are a beautiful bed of flowers. Of course there's a weed here and there.”

Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee

“That one is for the three little pigs!”

Rodney Dangerfield - Rover Dangerfield

“Annie! I wanna take you to the zoo! Yeah, they'll thank me for returnin' you!”
Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee