Steve Guttenberg movie quotes

“- Larry Musgrove: I got a question.
- Sheriff Tom Palmer: That's great! Great, participation! Fire away, big guy!
- Larry Musgrove: While you're here, who's giving out speeding tickets and scooping dead animals off the highway?
- Sheriff Tom Palmer: All right, no more questions.”
Patrick Renna - Larry Musgrove
Steve Guttenberg - Sheriff Tom Palmer

“- Newton Crosby: Holy shit.
- Number 5: No shit. Where see shit?”
Steve Guttenberg - Newton Crosby
Tim Blaney - Number 5

“And now, ladies and gentleman, the only microwave lounge singer!”
Steve Guttenberg - Gus Kubicek

“Eternity's a big commitment.”
Steve Guttenberg - Jack Crawford

“When I was at summer camp, I bunked with a kid who collected farts.”
Steve Guttenberg - Michael

“I made my money the old-fashioned way: pure dumb luck.”
Steve Guttenberg - Roger Callaway

“- Moses Hightower: I was a florist.
- Carey Mahoney: A florist?
- Moses Hightower: Yeah, you know, flowers and shit.”
Bubba Smith - Moses Hightower
Steve Guttenberg - Carey Mahoney

“- Commandant Lassard: What is the most frustrating thing about police work?
- Tackleberry: Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir.
- Callahan: Separate locker rooms, sir.
- Mahoney: Icky blue uniforms.”
George Gaynes - Eric Lassard
David Graf - Eugene Tackleberry
Leslie Easterbrook - Debbie Callahan
Steve Guttenberg - Carey Mahoney

“- Lt. Mauser: Any day now, Mahoney, and your little ass is mine.
- Carey Mahoney: You wanted to see me, sir?
- Lt. Mauser: Mahoney, didn't your mother teach you how to knock?
- Carey Mahoney: It depends. Sir? I hope this isn't going to be too personal? I heard what you said about my little butt and I don't know how to break this to you, sir, but...” (continue)(continue reading)
Art Metrano - Lt. Mauser
Steve Guttenberg - Carey Mahoney

“I'll tell you one thing that happens when you get married, you have to give up your old friends. Cause the wife wants you to get new friends. New friends - nope. It's you and me. You and me, buddy, we got secrets she'll never know. Never know. Those new friends will never be as good. Nope! Cause we've - we've got a history. History!”
Steve Guttenberg - Edward 'Eddie' Simmons

“- Barry Kohler: Okay, I'm running it down now. It will only take a second.
- Ezra Lieberman: Take your time, old men don't go back to sleep once they've been awakened.”
Steve Guttenberg - Barry Kohler
Laurence Olivier - Ezra Lieberman

“- Michael: I think they're really starting to hate each other.
- Jack: Don't kid yourself... I'm still in love with the first woman who hit me.”

Steve Guttenberg - Michael
Ted Danson - Jack

“- Tackleberry: You want to become one with the gun. Feel the gun, caress the gun until it's a living, breathing, vibrating extension of yourself.
- Mahoney: I look for the same in a woman.”
David Graf - Eugene Tackleberry
Steve Guttenberg - Carey Mahoney

“- Edward 'Eddie' Simmons: Shrev, you happy with your marriage or what?
- Laurence 'Shrevie' Schreiber: I don't know.
- Edward 'Eddie' Simmons: What do you mean, you don't know? You don't know?
- Laurence 'Shrevie' Schreiber: What?
- Edward 'Eddie' Simmons: How could you not? You don't know? How could you not know?”
Steve Guttenberg - Edward 'Eddie' Simmons
Daniel Stern - Laurence 'Shrevie' Schreiber

“- Ron White: Mother! What are you doing here?
- Jack Morell: Mother?
- Samantha: Mother?
- Felipe: That's your mother?
- Samantha: Gee, she looks better than I do.”
Caitlyn Jenner - Ron White
Steve Guttenberg - Jack Morell
Valerie Perrine - Samantha
Felipe Rose - Village People: Indian

“- Newton Crosby: Are you sure you weren't doing any steering or anything like that?
- Stephanie Speck: Yeah, I like to drive off cliffs.”
Steve Guttenberg - Newton Crosby
Ally Sheedy - Stephanie Speck

“I hope you're not gonna to take your skin off! 'Cause I really like skin on a woman!”

Steve Guttenberg - Jack Bonner

“- Peter Mitchell: All we have to do is feed it, it'll shut up.
- Michael Kellam: I don't know what babies eat.
- Peter Mitchell: Soft stuff. We were babies once, for Christ's sakes, what did we eat?
- Michael Kellam: I don't know, but it couldn't have been very good, I can't remember!”
Tom Selleck - Peter Mitchell
Steve Guttenberg - Michael Kellam

“- Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Mahoney! Remember, that nobody screws with me.
- Carey Mahoney: Well, maybe you'll meet the right girl and all that will change.”
G.W. Bailey - Captain Harris
Steve Guttenberg - Carey Mahoney

“- Edward 'Eddie' Simmons: Do you think I'm doing the right thing, gettin' married?
- Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell: Eddie, I can't tell you that.
- Edward 'Eddie' Simmons: I keep thinkin' that I'm gonna be missin' out on things, you know.
- Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell: That's what marriage is all about.”
Steve Guttenberg - Edward 'Eddie' Simmons
Mickey Rourke - Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell

“If you want to talk, you always have the guys at the diner. You don't need a girl if you wanna talk.”
Steve Guttenberg - Edward 'Eddie' Simmons

“Kiss you? Maybe we should get some moisturizer first... or some medical supervision.”

Steve Guttenberg - Jack Crawford

“If this is foreplay I'm a dead man!”
Steve Guttenberg - Jack Bonner

“- Sgt. Carey Mahoney: What about the evaluation?
- Cmndt. Lassard: One of my boys might be in trouble. Screw the evaluation!
- Sgt. Carey Mahoney: I love it when you talk dirty, sir.”
Steve Guttenberg - Carey Mahoney
George Gaynes - Eric Lassard

“Anyone who could swallow two Snowballs and a Ding Dong shouldn't have any trouble with pride.”
Steve Guttenberg - Jack Morell