Tom Greening movie quotes

“- Gord Brody: I'm looking for a David Davidson.
- Woman - Restaurant: I'm a woman.
- Gord Brody: Did I ask what sex you are?
- Woman - Restaurant: No.
- Gord Brody: Did I ask if you were David Davidson?
- Woman - Restaurant: My name is Cheryl.”
Tom Greening - Gord Brody
Wendy Chmelauskas - Woman - Restaurant

“I tend to sit around with my friends a lot and rant and rave about things I think are ridiculous in the world, and I tend to make fun of myself a lot.”
Tom Greening

“Sometimes the funniest ideas just happen in the moment, when you're talking to people, or you notice something.”
Tom Greening

“We all borrow and steal and copy from each other, and that's the way I think people get inspired.”
Tom Greening

“- Elaine Warner: He's an asshole.
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: Mmm... casserole.
- Elaine Warner: I said asshole.
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: I heard casserole!”
Leslie Mann - Elaine Warner
Tom Greening - Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy

“- John Plummer: Duff? Don't you think you're taking a little bit too much off the top?
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: John, I know what I’m doing okay? I've got to taper it so the sunlight reaches the lower leaves during the growing season!
- John Plummer: What about that string there?
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: The string is a guide John. It's just a...” (continue)(continue reading)

Jason Lee - John Plummer
Tom Greening - Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy

“- Jim Brody: Hey, what are ya doing in my scuba gear?
- Gord Brody: Look, I found a treasure.
- Jim Brody: That's a soap on a rope!
- Gord Brody: Shh, I'm pretending it's a treasure.”

Rip Torn - Jim Brody
Tom Greening - Gord Brody

“- Chad: There's only one captain of this love boat. That captain is me. The Chad.
- Natalie Cook: The Chad. Chad, captain of the love boat...
- Chad: [correcting Natalie Cook] The Chad.
- Natalie Cook: We're kind of in a hurry.”
Tom Greening - Chad
Cameron Diaz - Natalie Cook

“- Barry: This is the Joseph H. Nelson Memorial Library, here. Okay? It was built in the 1600s.
- Student in the Tour: 1600s? It says it was built in 1951.
- Barry: That's the address. Okay? Wise-ass.”
Tom Greening - Barry

- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: Maybe we can use slingshots to rob the place.
- John Plummer: A slingshot is not a real weapon, Duff.
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you'd like to define the word "weapon” for me while this plastic doll smashes into your temple at 180 miles per hour.
Tom Greening - Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy
Jason Lee - John Plummer

“- Darren: Gord, don't hammer them so loud! Jeez, it's late, you're gonna wake your parents up.
- Gord Brody: You're right, I should probably use the electric nail gun.
- Darren: Well, yeah.
[Gord Brody uses the nail gun, making even more loud noise]”

Harland Williams - Darren
Tom Greening - Gord Brody

“Daddy, we're in Pakistan. Let's sew some soccer balls.”
Tom Greening - Gord Brody

“- Betty: I'm gonna give you a blowjob.
- Gord Brody: Oh Betty. It's only our first date. Don't you think we should go do some romantic stuff first? Maybe take a walk in the park or something?”
Marisa Coughlan - Betty
Tom Greening - Gord Brody

“- Gord Brody: Why do you guys always have roast beef?
- Jim Brody: Boo-hoo. Little Lord Fauntleroy's tummy hurts because there's too much roast beef in it.
- Gord Brody: It's just boring.
[opens bag, pulls out a chicken sandwich]
- Gord Brody: I'm eating a chicken sandwich.”
Tom Greening - Gord Brody
Rip Torn - Jim Brody

“You can't hurt me, not with my cheese helmet!”
Tom Greening - Gord Brody

“- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: We should make up some fake names.
- John Plummer: Why?
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: Just in case we have to communicate while we're inside.
- John Plummer: Ok.
- Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy: I wanna be Kyle. I knew this guy at camp. He was maybe 13. He got two girls pregnant, man. Two girls pregnant. Yea, Kyle.”
Tom Greening - Walter P. 'Duff' Duffy
Jason Lee - John Plummer

“Unleash the fury!”

Tom Greening - Barry

“- Gord Brody: Fuck you, dad.
- Jim Brody: Fuck me? Is that what you wanna do?
[drops his pants]
- Jim Brody: Well, go ahead, fuck me.”
Tom Greening - Gord Brody
Rip Torn - Jim Brody

“You can't have complaints there's not enough cheese in the cheese sandwiches. I mean, if there's no cheese in a cheese sandwich, that's basically just two slices of bread.”
Tom Greening - Gord Brody