Willie Nelson movie quotes

“- Uncle Jesse Duke: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
- Luke Duke: What?
- Uncle Jesse Duke: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.”
Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke
Johnny Knoxville - Luke Duke

“You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller!”
Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke

“Lie to no one. If there 's somebody close to you, you'll ruin it with a lie. If they're a stranger, who the fuck are they you gotta lie to them?”
Willie Nelson - Okla

“You gotta be the one you want to catch.”
Willie Nelson - Billy "Catch" Pooler

“- Uncle Jesse Duke: You know why tornadoes and blonds are so much alike?
- Luke Duke: No.
- Uncle Jesse Duke: At first, there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.”
Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke
Johnny Knoxville - Luke Duke

“- Historian Smoker: You know how much condoms used to cost back in them days?
- Thurgood Jenkins: How much?
- Historian Smoker: I don't know, we never used 'em.”
Willie Nelson - Historian Smoker
Dave Chappelle - Thurgood Jenkins

“- Barbarosa: I don't steal from my own people.
- Karl Westover: Well it don't bother you to slit their throats on your weddin' night, does it?”
Willie Nelson - Barbarosa
Gary Busey - Karl Westover

- Barbarosa: Did you have bad trouble back there.
- Karl Westover: Yes, sir.
- Barbarosa: Well, the Mexicans got a saying: "What cannot be remedied must be endured".
Willie Nelson - Barbarosa
Gary Busey - Karl Westover

“- Karl Westover: My name is Karl Albert Westover...
- Barbarosa: You been shit outtta luck ever since you was born, ain't you, boy?”
Gary Busey - Karl Westover
Willie Nelson - Barbarosa

“- Uncle Jesse Duke: Give me your goddamn licence!
- Luke Duke: What license?”

Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke
Johnny Knoxville - Luke Duke

“Always stand still until you're done shooting. Nothin' scares a man more than for you to be standin' still when you should be runnin' like a spotted assed ape.”
Willie Nelson - Barbarosa

“I'm gonna get me a bottle of tequila and find me one of them Keno girls that can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch and just kinda kick back.”
Willie Nelson - Wendell

“- Uncle Jesse Duke: Why are divorces so expensive?
- Luke Duke: Why?
- Uncle Jesse Duke: 'Cause they're worth it!”
Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke
Johnny Knoxville - Luke Duke

“- Daisy Duke: They're gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I'm gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out.
- Uncle Jesse Duke: That's why we love ya, honey.”
Jessica Simpson - Daisy Duke
Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke

“- Dallas: Don't slap the baby.
- Doc Holliday: Okay... why would I slap the baby?
- Dallas: I don't know, but most doctors do. It's a custom I'm not in favor of. Nobody comes into this world looking for a fight. You go get 'em!”
Elizabeth Ashley - Dallas
Willie Nelson - Doc Holliday

“- Karl Westover: I killed a fella back in Texas. A big damn fella too.
- Barbarosa: Well, old Sam Colt makes everybody just about the same size.
- Karl Westover: I didn't shoot him. I hit him with a tree limb.”
Gary Busey - Karl Westover
Willie Nelson - Barbarosa

“- Karl Westover: Are you all right?
- Barbarosa: No, I ain't all right! Do I look all right?
- Karl Westover: Well, you look better than you did when you was at the bottom of that grave.”
Gary Busey - Karl Westover
Willie Nelson - Barbarosa

“- Johnny Dean: Albania's hard to rhyme.
- Stanley Motss: What are you looking at me for? It's the name of the country.”

Willie Nelson - Johnny Dean
Dustin Hoffman - Stanley Motss