“About Last Night...” quotes

“- Joan: Deborah, you work in advertising... a civilized business. I on the other hand work with monsters.
- Debbie: You're talking about 5-year-olds!
- Joan: Right! and my job is to break their spirit. That is what kindergarten is all about. The Germans invented it, think about it.”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan
Demi Moore - Debbie

“- Debbie: You're the best.
- Danny: I bet you say that to all your guys.
- Debbie: Yep, and they believe it.”
Demi Moore - Debbie
Rob Lowe - Danny

“You know what your problem is? Your face. Come on, you're too good-looking. Girls go out with you and get nervous. They feel dumpy, they don't want to compete. They want a guy like... like me. A guy who'll make them look good. A basic Neanderthal type. The swarthy type. A man's man.”
Jim Belushi - Bernie

“Look, if he forgets to call one day, no big deal; two days, it's an oversight. Honey, he hasn't called you in three days; he's sleeping with somebody else.”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan

“- Joan: And you are a schizophrenic, psychopathic, maladjusted social misfit who is clearly in the middle of a very deep homosexual panic.
- Bernie: So, you want to dance or what?”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan
Jim Belushi - Bernie

“- Joan: Sex is something men and women do to make a baby.
- Kid #3: Are you a virgin?
- Joan: No.
- Kid #3: Do you have a baby?
- Joan: No. People who don't want babies also have sex.
- Kid #3: What for?
- Joan: For about 10 or 15 minutes.”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan
Heath Wagerman - Kid #3

“- Bernie: Was that the chick from last night?
- Danny: Yeah, I picked up the phone and she was already on the line.
- Bernie: Yeah, right. Pull this leg and it plays jingle bells.”
Jim Belushi - Bernie
Demi Moore - Debbie

“- Debbie: That 2nd baseman's got a really nice ass.
- Joan: I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.”
Demi Moore - Debbie
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan

“- Joan: I'm a neurosurgeon, you?
- Bernie: I'm a prizefighter. Do you know much about boxing?
- Joan: No.
- Bernie: I'm the heavyweight champion of the world.”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan
Jim Belushi - Bernie

“You don't know what love is. You've gotten everything you have always wanted and now you're feeling sorry for yourself because there's something you want and you can't have it. But you had it! I gave you love. But you asked me to leave and I left.”
Demi Moore - Debbie

“- Joan: So, worried much about western civilization?
- Danny: Not really. Not tonight.
- Joan: It's collapsing, or hadn't you notice?
- Danny: I live in a pretty good neighborhood.”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan
Rob Lowe - Danny

“- Joan: Men and women... sharing, working out their hate.
- Debbie: I'm sick of hating. I mean, God, Joan. I don't think I have any hate left.
- Joan: Yes you do, you just don't know it.”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan
Demi Moore - Debbie

“- Joan: Give me a gin and tonic.
- Mother Malone: Last call was ten minutesago.
- Joan: Give me a gin and tonic or I will kill you.
- Mother Malone: Just one.”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan
Michael Alldredge - Mother Malone

“- Bernie: I stole it
- Danny: You did not.
- Bernie: Oh, that's great, Dan. I tell you I'm a thief and you call me a liar.”
Jim Belushi - Bernie
Rob Lowe - Danny

“I'm gonna let you guys do what you guys gotta do. Don't worry about me, I'm just gonna go home, make a little macaroni and cheese, seal the windows, and turn on the gas.”
Jim Belushi - Bernie

“- Joan: Oh, God! Another smoker! Look, do you mind?
- Danny: Oh, sorry, didn't know you were eating.
[Joan snuffs the cigarette in the sink]
- Joan: There. I just added another seven minutes to your life... it's alright, I don't expect a thank you.
- Danny: Thank you.”
Elizabeth Perkins - Joan
Rob Lowe - Danny