“Americathon” quotes

“- News Reporter: Mr. Vanderhoff, would you care to comment on the rumor that President Roosevelt has been assassinated?
- Vincent Vanderhoff: Guys, how am I supposed to know that? I haven't been upstairs yet. Excuse me.”

Fred Willard - Vincent Vanderhoff

“God knows I am a patriot. I loaned the country 400 Billion. And I want my 400 Billion back. Does that make me a bad guy? I've got to eat too, you know! So I'm giving the President until the end of September this year to pay me back, or I'll be forced to foreclose. What can I do? I've got to eat too, you know! Does that make me a bad guy?”

Chief Dan George - Sam Birdwater

“Jimmy Carter was President of the United States when everybody started to notice we were running out of dead dinosaurs. No more gas to run our cars. Fights at the pump. People getting nozzle-whipped. So what was his solution? He made a speech.”
George Carlin - Narrator

President Roosevelt was a successful graduate of EST, Scientology, TM and Primal Grope Therapy. And he was elected on a platform unique in American political history: "I'm not a schmuck!". Even though that was Chet's only campaign promise, it looked like it would be a tough one to keep.
George Carlin - Narrator

“What you're looking at is downtown Pittsburgh, one million B.C. Those two big guys are fighting for a parking space. This is where our story begins. If they could have just learned to live together like decent human beings, they'd still be around and there never would have been an energy crisis. But they died out, and what was left of them...” (continue)(continue reading)

George Carlin - Narrator

“Hard to believe all the these people, independently, came up with this for a career.”

Peter Riegert - Eric McMerkin