“Beavis and Butt-Head Do America” quotes

“Hey, baby. I noticed you have braces. I have braces too.”

Mike Judge - Butt-Head

“- Butt-head: This sucks.
- Beavis: Yeah. It really sucks.
- Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before. We must find this butt-hole that took our TV.”

Mike Judge - Butt-Head
Mike Judge - Beavis

“- Beavis: It's, like, this chick's a slut. And look at this guy. He's old, but he's probably scored a million times!
- Old Guy: Oh, yeah.
- Beavis: But not us. We're never gonna score!”
Mike Judge - Beavis
Kristofor Brown - Old Guy

“Here she is, boys. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. You gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her.”

Bruce Willis - Muddy Grimes

“- Ranger at Old Faithful: There are over 200 active geysers in Yellowstone Park. Old Faithful here is one of the largest. During an eruption, the geyser can reach as high as 200 feet.
- Butt-head: So?
- Ranger at Old Faithful: The - the geyser shoots out over 12,000 gallons in a single eruption.”
Eric Bogosian - Ranger at Old Faithful
Mike Judge - Butt-Head

“I think my life is, like, flashing in front of my eyes. My life was cool.”

Mike Judge - Butt-Head

“- Muddy Grimmes: What are your names?
- Butt-head: Butt-head.
- Beavis: I'm Beavis.
- Muddy Grimmes: Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy.”

Bruce Willis - Muddy Grimes
Mike Judge - Butt-Head
Mike Judge - Beavis

“- Butt-head: Wait a minute. We can't leave Washington till we find that chick.
- Old Woman on Plane and Bus: Oh, we're a long way from Washington, Bob. This is the Hoover Dam.”

Mike Judge - Butt-Head
Cloris Leachman - Old Woman on Plane and Bus

“- Beavis: Something's wrong with my butt.
- Butt-head: Your butt sucks.”
Mike Judge - Beavis
Mike Judge - Butt-Head

“This is cool! It's like everything is all weird and stuff, there's like all these weird shapes, it's sort of like, it's like... like a music video!”

Mike Judge - Beavis

“- ATF Agent Bork: Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in?
- ATF Agent Flemming: Bork, you're a Federal Agent. You represent the United States government. Never end a sentence with a preposition.”
Greg Kinnear - ATF Agent Bork
Robert Stack - ATF Agent Flemming

“- Butt-head: This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
- Beavis: Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
- Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.”
Mike Judge - Butt-Head
Mike Judge - Beavis

“- Muddy Grimes: You guys are late.
- Butt-head: Really? Did we miss Baywatch?”
Bruce Willis - Muddy Grimes
Mike Judge - Butt-Head

“- Hoover Dam Guide: Now, can anybody tell me how much energy it takes to power Las Vegas?
- Beavis: Yeah, I just have a question. Is this a God dam?”
Tim Guinee - Hoover Dam Guide
Mike Judge - Beavis

“- Old Woman on Plane and Bus: I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
- Beavis: Really? I poop too much.
- Old Woman on Plane and Bus: Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
- Beavis: I mean... No, no. I poop too much! And then I get tired.”
Cloris Leachman - Old Woman on Plane and Bus
Mike Judge - Beavis

“There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover we don't need TV to entertain us.”
Mike Judge - Mr. Van Driessen

“- Dallas Grimmes: You got two seconds!
- Butt-head: Is that going to be enough time?”

Demi Moore - Dallas Grimes
Mike Judge - Butt-Head

“Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.”
Dale Reeves - President Clinton

“- Beavis: Butt-Head, do you think we're gonna ever score?
- Butt-head: I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey.”
Mike Judge - Beavis
Mike Judge - Butt-Head

“Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair. We've traveled a hundred miles 'cause we thought we were gonna score. But now it's not gonna happen. Damn it!”

Mike Judge - Beavis